Things I Never Needed
by prsweetie
Summary: She had been Luann's number girl, the one that every female in Caracara wanted to be, the one that was able to get away. Now a tragedy has brought her home and she struggles to find her identity between porn and bikers. Happy/OC
1. Chapter 1

Alexandria woke up in her comfortable suite at the Planet Hollywood hotel in Las Vegas with a hell of a headache. She glanced at the clock and cursed it before pushing herself up and reaching for her cigarettes. She lit one and used her free hand to push various strands of hair out of her face. Today was a major day for her and she knew that she was supposed to more ecstatic than she actually was. Instead she wondered how the hell things had turned out this way. She made it to the big leagues, the high mecca that all other females in this industry hoped to one day be a part of but all Alex could think of was how much she did not fit into this mold, at least not anymore.

Her life in porn started when she was just 17. She had been caught stealing and part of her juvie sentence was working at the local library, reading to children. For the tough-as-nails chick, this was the last place she wanted to be. She was in a gas station one day when an older blonde with a nice ass red car started talking to her. Her name was Luann and she ran the porn studio Caracara in nearby Charming. She liked Alex's look and gave her a card. When Alex finished her juvie sentence, she hopped in her beat down car and made her way over to the studio. She had stayed for seven years.

Alex's look helped make her Luann's top girl rather quickly. She spent her days wiping cum off her face and her nights trying to learn the ins and outs of the business so she wouldn't have to suck dick for the rest of her life. She saw how some of the older girls looked; desperately trying to hold on to their youth and paycheck and Alex never wanted to be one of those girls.

About a year ago, some hot shot producer saw one of her low budget films and contacted Luanne about working with Alex. Luann had been ecstatic for Alex but Alex didn't want to leave her life. She was comfortable in Charming, had built friendships and relationships that meant the world to her. She never wanted to be a porn icon, but she loved Luann and she knew that this type of exposure was good for Caracara so she packed her bags and moved to Vegas.

Now it was the day of the AVN awards and Alex's was nominated for Starlet of the Year. It was a big deal in the world of porn. Some of the hottest stars had won this award and it could be major for Alex if she won. There was a big part of her that hoped to God she lost. The banging at her door pulled her from her thoughts and she rolled her eyes when her makeup artist Tommy was on the other side.

"It's too fucking early for this shit." Alex said before moving out of the way.

"We have a lot of work to do princess." Alex grimaced at that nickname. The only one that ever got away with calling her princess was hundreds of miles away with crazy blue eyes. Alex went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She was surprised that she hadn't heard from Luann in the past couple of days. She was talking about taking a trip to Vegas to be there for Alex tonight but she hadn't heard from her and Alex was starting to become a little worried.

She opened the bathroom door and looked at her blood red dress hanging on the closet door. Why the fuck did she have to dress like she was going to the Oscars when everyone that would be there had seen her naked anyway? She cut her eyes at Tommy who was tapping his feet waiting for her.

"Let's get this shit over with."

* * *

Gemma sat at the head of the table in her dining room, still clad in the same outfit from the night before. She lost count of the number of joints and cigarettes she had smoked since last night. Gemma ran her hand over her forehead as she willed herself to remain strong. Last night was supposed to be a dinner to gain some solidarity within SAMCRO since shit had been bad between the King and Prince since Donna's death. Unfortunately, things turned bad when Hale came in and announced that Luann had been murdered and her body was found off some goddamn ditch.

Gemma was beside herself. Luanne had been her best friend, well as close to a best friend as the Queen of Charming could have and now she was dead. Gemma jumped slightly when Clay came up behind her and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Hey baby. You want some breakfast?" Clay shook his head and motioned for Gemma to stay where she was. He came back from the kitchen with two cups of coffee and sat down next to his wife.

"Jax and I are going to head up to see Otto today." Gemma closed her eyes. Poor Otto. He had given his everything to the club and the only thing he asked for was to protect Luann and the club wasn't able to do that. She also knew that her son was blaming himself for her death.

"I gotta take a shower once Juice gets here and then I'm going to get on the road." Gemma stated as she lit another cigarette.

"I don't want you going by yourself."

"This isn't something I can send in a text Clay. I need to tell baby girl what happened face to face." There was a quick knock on the door and Gemma watched as Jax, Tig and Happy walked in the door. Jax and Tig both gave Gemma a kiss on the cheek while Happy nodded his hello. Gemma started another pot of coffee and grabbed mugs before sitting back down.

"How are you holding up, Ma?" Gemma patted Jax's hand and gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine baby. What do you guys have for me?" Tig pulled a piece of paper out of his jean pocket and opened it.

"She's still in Vegas. Apparently she has some big awards show tonight or some shit. Juice got her room number and everything. She's staying at some hotel until tomorrow."

"Well looks like I better get ready." Gemma went to stand up and head for the bedroom. After her shower, she was fixing her makeup when Clay walked in. She allowed her husband to pull her in his arms and she breathed in his scent.

"I'm sending Hap and Tig down to Vegas with you." Gemma pulled back slightly. Tig, she could understand. The man loved Alexandria as if she was his own.

"Why Happy?"

"They are the only two I trust to keep you safe. Besides, Happy doesn't miss a thing and I know how you and baby girl have the tendency to dip out on ol Tigger." Gemma couldn't help but laugh. Clay and Tig swore that most of their gray hairs came from Alex and Gemma over the years.

The ride to Vegas had been quiet for the most part. Happy had driven while Tig spent most of the time sleep in the backseat. Gemma tried to hold a conversation with the bald headed man but he wasn't much for small talk. Gemma didn't know a whole lot about Happy other than the fact that he had patched over to the Mother Charter about a month ago. He had originally been the SAA in Tacoma and then went NOMAD when his mother got sick. Gemma figured things most have settled down because she was in attendance to his patch party and watched as he wore the SAMCRO cut proudly.

She would see him working in the garage or escorting some nameless face out of the clubhouse but for the most part, Happy was a mystery to her. She reached back and smacked Tig's legs as they pulled into the parking lot of Planet Hollywood.

"We're here." Tig rubbed his eyes as he adjusted to all the lights around him. He popped open the door and stretched his legs.

"Let's go and bring princess home."

* * *

Alex sat in her hotel room grateful for the moment of peace and quiet. Her whole day had been a revolving door of people barking orders and telling her how she should and should not look, what she should say, etc. It was getting on her last goddamn nerve. Tommy had finally finished her makeup and ran downstairs for something, leaving her all alone. Alex stood up and looked at herself in the full length mirror. The blonde wig that was on her head made her wince. She was not fit for being a blonde but it had been insisted years ago. Apparently, blonde and busty equaled big bucks. She had lost a considerable amount of weight due to her unhappiness and it was becoming more and more obvious. The red dress was practically sewed on to her and Alex was surprised that she could even breathe.

Everyone kept saying that she looked beautiful but all Alex saw was a figment of what she used to be. She figured she only looked beautiful to those that really didn't know her. Alex rolled her eyes as she heard an incessant pounding on the door. Alex prepared her fake smile for whoever was on the other side. Her eyes widened when she saw Gemma, Tig and a guy she vaguely remembered standing there.

"Jesus, you look like shit." Alex had to hold the doorframe as she laughed. Leave it to Tig to echo the sentiments that was running through her own head. She moved out of the way to let the three in. Before she could fully close the door, she was pulled into a hug by Tig. She blinked her eyes to stop the tears from falling. She had missed him so much. Tig had been her everything before she left Charming. He was her father, her brother, her teacher, her lifeline. She was one of the few and lucky people that got to know the real Tig, not just the crazy bastard that lived on the surface. She smiled with tears in her eyes as Tig placed a kiss on her forehead.

Next up for hugs and kisses was Gemma. Gemma, like Luann, had become a surrogate mother to her over the years. To be honest, Gemma was more of a mother than Luanne. Luann taught her the porn business but Gemma taught her how to be woman. She knew all of Alex's secrets and she showed the younger woman how to use her tragedy as a positive instead of a negative. Gemma had even tried to push Alex and Jax together and while they had shared a few nights together, Alex was not in the mood to fight with the memories of a woman who was in Chicago. Besides, Jax was one of her closest friends and she knew it was better that they kept things that way. Gemma was one of the few people that she still kept in touch with. She would be in a world of trouble if she didn't at least send a text message once a week alerting Gemma that she was alright. She missed her more than Gemma would ever understand.

Alex looked at the third person in the room and she furrowed her eyebrows. He looked familiar but she couldn't really place him. She noticed that he was rocking a SOA patch and he seemed too old to have been a recent prospect.

"Princess, this is Happy. Happy, this is Alexandria. Hap just patched in to the Mother Charter. He's from Tacoma." Alex nodded her head in recognition. He had been at the Tacoma clubhouse when she and the rest of the girls had driven up there a few years back when one of their members had been killed. The Tacoma charter didn't have a whole lot of old ladies so Gemma took it upon herself to make the girls drive up with food and supplies for the guys. She had seen him in passing but had never spoken to him. She offered Happy her hand and he looked at for a few minutes before giving her a rough shake.

"What are you guys doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you but I've to be down in the lobby soon."

"Sit down baby girl." Gemma's voice took on a somber tone that frightened Alex. Logically, she knew that there was no way they had come all the way down here to catch up. She took a seat and Gemma grabbed both of her hands.

"There is no easy way to say this, but Luann was murdered last night baby." Alex sat in stunned silence as Gemma recounted the story: the raid on the warehouse, SAMCRO going in business with Luann and the problems with Georgie. Alex was scared to move for fear that she would break down in hysterics.

"Wait. Georgie Caruso? That asshole tried to put me under contract about six months ago."

"I'm assuming he didn't leave a good first impression?" Tig asked as he looked at the various forms of makeup in disgust.

"I don't have a contract with anyone. I'm freelance. Luann told me that there was going to be snakes trying to make me sign a deal that wouldn't be worth my time or money. He offered me some bullshit contract that would have me working damn near twenty movies a year for nothing. I told him to fuck himself." Alex's eyes widened. "You don't think Georgie went after Luann because of me?"

"No baby. This has nothing to do with you. Do not blame yourself for this. Caruso had it out for Luann for some time now." Alex leaned forward to try and settle her stomach. She took a deep breath and stood up to grab her purse.

"Let's go."

"Princess, don't you have some awards shit?"

"Fuck the awards. I need to be with my family." Alex said in a tone that left no room for argument.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This is an AU story. The plotlines will not be the same as in the show. I feel as though it gives me more artistic freedom that way. Also this story will be at a slower pace than my others. Happy and Alex will not have an easy transition to a relationship nor will it be fast. This will take time so I hope you all enjoy it._

* * *

The foursome pulled into the clubhouse and Alex couldn't help but smile at the place she used to call home. The bikes were lined up, letting Alex know that there would be a full house there. She stepped out of the car and followed the others into the clubhouse. She used to hate the smell of the clubhouse but now as she walked in, she relished in the familiarity of the place.

"You got all dressed up for me darling?" Alex looked over towards the sound of the voice and smiled. She had forgotten that she had rushed out of the hotel room still clad in her gown. She hadn't even bothered to say that she was leaving to anymore. She honestly didn't give a fuck if they understood or not. Alex walked closer and allowed Bobby to pull her in for a hug. She hugged Chibs, Juice and Opie and was introduced to Half-Sack, the new prospect. The last time Alex had been in town, Juice was the main prospect and she was happy that the loveable Puerto Rican was able to now be a fully patched member.

She allowed Opie to lead her towards the bar and she gratefully took the shot that was placed in front of her. She looked around at the people she considered her family and she felt emotional. She was pissed off at herself that someone had to die in order for her to come back. If she was honest with herself, the real reason why she stayed away was because she didn't want anyone to know how miserable she actually was. She figured if she came back to Charming, she would never want to leave again.

"I need to see her." Alex announced and she watched everyone shake their heads and start to argue. She let them all say their piece but she was determined. "I don't care what any of you say. I NEED to see her damnit!" Her yell was interrupted when the door opened and Clay and Jax walked in. She practically ran into Jax's arms, excited to see him before doing the same with Clay.

"What's going on?"

"Alex wants to go see Luann." Clay glances at the watch on his wrist before speaking again.

"Morgue will be closed in a few. We can go by there tomorrow darling. We need to talk about some things first." Clay pushes Alex towards the bar and makes sure that she's comfortable before he starts to speak.

"Otta wants you to stop by." Alex nodded, even though she knew that she already had every intention to stop by there. "Also, Luann had a will. We had Juice pull it up earlier. Baby girl, Luann left Caracara to you."

Alex didn't know what to say. Luann used to always joke that Alex could run the business better than she could but Alex never thought in a million years that it would ever actually happen. She thought about what having Caracara would mean. She would be able to stay in Charming, stop fucking for cash and hopefully turn Caracara into something that would make Luann proud. Alex knew this was the only way to pay Luann back for everything that she had given her, even if she wasn't around to see it.

* * *

Later on that night, Alex opened her eyes and tried to adjust to her surroundings. She must have fallen asleep at some point from pure mental exhaustion. Alex sat up and stretched her arms above her head. She reached behind the back of her head and started pulling out bobby pins. She took her wig off and untangled her long, black hair. It felt good and made her feel a little bit more like herself. She looked around the sitting area and didn't see anyone.

She looked down and realized that she wasn't going to get much more sleep in the damn gown and she cursed herself for being in such a rush that she forgot to pack a bag. Once she remembered why she had been in such a rush in the first place, Alex swallowed the lump that was developing in her throat. She stood up and made her way over to the bar to grab her purse. She pulled out a bottle of water and two pills before taking them. She cracked her neck and tried to figure out what she was going to do.

She looked down at her phone and noticed that her battery died. She was thankful for that because she could just imagine the text messages and voicemails that she received during her absence. Alex scratched her shoulder as she thought about where she could find a change of clothes. She wondered if Jax's room was still the same. She knew she could go in there and grab a shirt or something. Alex started to make her way towards the staircase when the appearance of Happy stopped her in her tracks.

"Uh, hey." Alex said as Happy seemed to take her all in. She noticed that his eyes seemed to stay focused on her hair. "Brunette"

"Better." It was the first thing that he had said to her all day and his raspy voice made her jump a little on the inside. There was no denying he was a good looking man but with everything going on, Alex didn't even focus on that too much. Now that he was standing in front of her, she couldn't help but feel slightly flushed under his gaze.

"Do you know if Jax's room is still the same? I need a shirt or something." Happy nodded and she moved around him until she made it to Jax's room. She swore it looked exactly the way it did a year ago, just as dirty and the smell of pussy still filled the air. She walked towards the dresser and pulled out a long sleeve SAMCRO shirt. Without even giving it too much thought, she unzipped her dress, leaving it in a pool on the floor and pulled the shirt over her head. She kicked her shoes off and searched for a pair of socks. She moved towards the bathroom to wash her face but was disappointed that she couldn't find another wash cloth.

Alex looked at the bed and debated whether or not she wanted to crash there. She started to think about the various activities that she knew for a fact went on in that bed and decided to go back downstairs. She turned the corner and saw Happy making his way up the steps. She offered him a small smile while she tried to walk around him.

"Everything alright?" Happy asked.

"Yeah, just going to go back to bed."

"On the couch?" Alex nodded her head.

"Thought about sleeping in Jax's bed but I decided against it." Alex could feel the pills that she had taken earlier start to kick in and she knew it was only a matter of time before she went back to sleep. She waved goodbye to Happy and practically ran back downstairs.

* * *

"Wakey, wakey." Alex heard the distinct voice of Chibs above her. She struggled to open her eyes but she was glad that the first thing she saw in the morning was a cup of coffee. She grabbed it and took a big gulp, not caring that the beverage was burning her throat. Alex had never been a morning person. She pushed the blanket off of her legs as she stood up with the coffee in her hand, in search of her cigarettes.

"Now there's my princess." Alex looked up as Tig, Happy and Juice made their way to the bar to get some coffee. She accepted a kiss from Tig as she smiled at the other two men. She laughed when Tig started playing with her.

"I hated that blonde shit."

"So did I." Alex admitted. She waved good morning to Bobby who had come out to announce that the muffins should be done shortly. Alex started to make a mental list of things that she needed to do when Tig pulled her from her thoughts.

"Whose clothes do you have on?"

"Jax's."

"Why the hell do you have on Jax's clothes?" Alex closed her eyes as the familiar voice spoke behind her. She tried desperately to count to ten but she wasn't having much luck. Instead she turned her bar stool around and glared at the person in front of her.

"Why the hell aren't you in Chicago?" Alex and Tara never got along. Tara could never get over the fact that a "whore" had higher rank than her and Alex never got over the fact that Tara seemed to lead Jax around by the balls just to up and leave him when things got rough.

Alex glared at Jax who was standing next to Tara. She knew that things had been crazy last night but he should have definitely told her that the bitch was back in town. Alex geared herself up for a verbal fight when the clubhouse doors opened and Gemma and Clay walked in.

"Morning baby." Gemma said, practically pushing Tara out the way to give Alex a kiss. She handed her an overnight bag. "Just some toiletries and a change of clothes. I figured after we get a few things done, we could go shopping."

"Does anyone have an IPhone? I need to charge my battery." She handed her phone to Juice who said he would charge it for her before announcing that she was taking a shower. She turned back towards Jax and Tara and spoke directly towards Jax. "Mind if I use your bathroom?"

"Not at all darling." Alex smirked at Tara before making her way out of the room.

* * *

Hours later, Alex sat at the bar with a pen in one hand and a beer in the other. The day had been beyond exhausting and she was nowhere near done. She had made it to the morgue to see Luann and she promptly threw up the second she walked outside. Her murder had been horrific and Alex cursed Caruso three ways from Sunday for killing her. She had gone shopping with Gemma to grab enough things that she would need for the next few weeks. By the time she made it back to the clubhouse to grab her phone, her voicemail box had been filled to capacity. Apparently, she won Starlet of the Year and everyone was pissed that she dropped off the face of the Earth.

She called Jason, her director, and explained the situation. Luann's death had worked its way through the porn rumor mills and Jason had understood at first. However, when she said that she was done with movies for a while, he had been less than understanding. Being Starlet of the Year was a big deal in the porn industry and walking away before her career officially took off was not sitting well with Jason. Alex gave him a chance to speak his piece but her decision had been made. She hung up the phone and drafted an email to everyone who was anyone in porn announcing her retirement. Pressing the send button had been very liberating and she had no regrets.

Now she was trying to make a list of things that needed to be done. She would have to find a place to live, try up loose ends in Vegas and gain the courage to walk through Caracara and prepare to take over. She also needed to go see Otto to pay her respects. The list was giving Alex a headache and she reached in her bag for two pain pills before taking them back with a sip of her beer.

She looked up as she felt someone sit down next to her. She smiled at Happy who nodded back towards. She watched as he looked down at her list before reaching over and grabbing a beer for himself. They sat in silence; the only noise came from her pen scrapping the paper as she continued her list. Alex sighed with frustration. She was never good with silence especially when there was someone to talk to. She put her pen down and turned towards Happy.

"Can I ask for a favor?" Happy looked at her and waited for her to continue. "Can you take me for a ride? On your bike I mean? I really need to clear my head and I don't know where anyone is." Happy took another sip of his beer before placing it down. He stood up and grabbed his keys from his pocket.

"Let's go."


	3. Chapter 3

The ride had been exhilarating. Alex hadn't been on the back of a bike since she left Charming and she almost forgot how much she missed it. It was as if she could fly and with every mile, she felt the weight slowly being lifted of her shoulders. She looked up when Happy pulled to a stop and she surveyed her surroundings. They seemed to stop at a park. Alex took her helmet off and smiled softly at the scenery. She walked wordlessly behind Happy as he seemed to be taking a path he knew very well. They walked for about 10 minutes before stopping in front of a lake. Happy got comfortable on one of the park benches as Alex sat down on the grass. She let the soothing noises of the lake reach her soul and she closed her eyes to take it all in.

She was nervous. Taking over Caracara was a big deal. It was Luann's legacy and she did not want to screw things up. She had a few ideas on ways to improve the business but she knew she was in for a shitload of problems before things could start changing. She crossed her legs Indian style and let her mind wander.

Happy watched her every move with caution. He knew who "Alexis Alanna" was. He had seen a few of her videos over the years and he had to admit, the girl was talented…and flexible. However, he had no idea that the blonde bombshell was really just the same girl he had seen around the clubhouse over the years. He would see her hanging out with some of the guys, laughing, shooting pool and drinking. She never gave off a croweater vibe or seemed like a whore.

Watching her braid her long brown hair while staring out into the moonlight made him wonder how comfortable she had been with being in porn in the first place. She seemed to be more reserved than most porn bitches he knew. He certainly preferred the sight in front of him over the one he was used to seeing on screen. She had no makeup on her face, a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of ripped jeans with boots on.

One thing that stood out to Happy more than anything else was that she didn't seem scared of him. He knew his reputation in the club, he was the stoic, silent killer who bitches would brag about once they were kicked out of his dorm room in the same breath that they complained they weren't able to tie him down. Alex never gave off a vibe of fear. Instead she offered him a smile and made it a point to talk to him.

He was pulled from his thoughts as he watched Alex stand up and stretch. She made her way over to him and took a seat on the bench.

"Can I ask you a question?" Happy turned and raised his eyebrow, causing Alex to start rambling. "I mean, I'm only asking you because you don't really know me so I figure you could be unbiased to the situation but if I'm making you uncomfortable then I won't ask." Happy fought the sides of his mouth from turning upward.

"What's the question?"

"Do you think anyone will be able to take over for Luann? I mean, the reason why she was so good at promoting was because she lived this life for years and she actually enjoyed it. I don't know if I am going to be able to do her justice."

"Don't think she would have left it to you if she didn't think you could handle it." It was a simple question but it made Alex feel twenty times better. She offered Happy a wide smile and thanked him.

* * *

When they pulled back into the parking lot, it seemed that everyone was back. Alex slowly climbed off the back of the bike and prepared herself for the questions that she knew was going to be thrown her way.

"Baby?" Alex turned around to see Gemma signaling her over from the office. She waved goodbye to Happy and made her way over to Gemma.

"What's up Mama Bear?" She laughed when Gemma glared slightly.

"Have you given some thought to where you're going to be staying? I can't imagine you surviving on that couch much longer."

"Honestly, I haven't. I know I still got to tie up some shit in Vegas and get rid of my condo. I figured I would start looking at some real estate after that."

"Well we were talking things over. You can stay with Clay and I until you get settled." Alex smiled big. She used to love staying at Gemma and Clay's. Despite their bad ass personas, they had made their house a home and it was always comforting over there. Besides, she knew that Gemma would spoil her rotten as if she was still a teenager.

"That would be great, Gem. What are you doing here so late?" Gemma smiled just as they started to hear bass coming from the clubhouse.

"Party for you, baby."

2 hours later and the party was in full swing. Alex couldn't even remember the last time she had felt so relaxed and at ease. For the first time in a long time, all she had to be was Alex. She wasn't expected to look or act a certain way. The vixen with the pouty lips and the unmistakable curves was now sitting on top of the bar and laughing her head off with a genuine smile placed on her mouth. She stuck her middle finger up when Tig yelled across the room that bars were for drinking, not for her to be sitting her pretty little ass on.

Despite all the laughter and loud music, Alex heard the slam of one of the back doors. She tilted her head to see Tara stomp out into the main room, making sure to glare at everyone before leaving. Alex met Gemma's eye and they seemed to be having a silent conversation. When she saw Jax walked past everyone without saying a word, she quickly grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and followed.

"I always hated coming up here." Alex said when she climbed the ladder to the roof and took a seat next to Jax.

"Most people don't come up here because they know I want to be left alone."

"I'm not most people." Alex took a swig of Jack before handing the bottle to Jax and grabbing a lighter from her purse. "Why are you still letting her do this to you?'

"Don't start with me Alexandria." Jax only used her full name when he was serious. If Alex was smarter, she would have left him alone to brood, but Alex was never the type to do what she should.

"Why the hell is she back Jackson?"

"She got a job at the hospital." Alex started to laugh causing Jax to glare at her.

"I call bullshit. You mean to tell me miss smarty pants; fancy degree couldn't find a job outside of a small town like Charming? She wants something Jax and she knew coming back here would guarantee her the opportunity to be back in your radar."

"You don't know her."

"But I do know you. I was there remember. I saw first-hand what her leaving did to you. The carelessness, the drunken one night stands, the bullshit bar fights…you were destroyed Jax because she had the power to do that to you and she knew it. Now she's back and you are starting to believe that maybe the two of you could have a second chance."

"Would that be the worst thing in the world?" Alex smiled softly.

"You always did wear your heart on your sleeve." Alex placed her head on Jax's shoulder. "I'm not going to tell you what to do but I will say this: if she hurts you again, so help me God, Gemma will be the least of her problems." Jax grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"We could have been good together."

"I had no intentions of fighting with the ghost of that bitch who broke your heart Jax. I may be a whore, but even I know I deserved better than that."

"Don't call yourself that. You were never a whore." Alex snorted but remained quiet until she heard the distinct yelling of Tig from inside the clubhouse. She left the bottle with Jax as she climbed back down the ladder to finish her party.

* * *

"What are you up to woman?" Gemma looked up from the stove to see Clay leaning against the doorframe staring at her.

"What are you talking about dear?" Gemma asked with a slight smirk on her face.

"Why the hell did you ask Happy to go with Alex to pack up her shit?" Clay had just came back from the clubhouse after talking to Happy who told him that Gemma cornered him last night during the party to ask that he accompy Alex to Vegas to pack up her stuff and tie up any loose ends. Happy had agreed, even though he wondered why Gemma would ask him of all guys.

"Alex is going to need help getting her shit; Happy has two working arms and legs. I don't see the problem."

"Don't you think you should have discussed it with me before sending one of the members on a vacation?"

"I figured Happy would be the logical choice. I don't trust the prospect, Bobby has a gig this weekend, Piney's too old and the others need to be available for the run you have planned." Clay crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

"I'm not buying this bullshit Gemma. What's really going on?" Gemma stirred the vegetables and sighed before looking at her husband.

"Happy took Alex for a ride yesterday and the whole time during the party, he couldn't stop staring at her. Plus I watched Alex try to avoid staring back at him. I think there's something there."

"Jesus Christ, Gemma. The girl hasn't even been back in town for a whole week and you are already playing Matchmaker Suzie. Happy's not the type to keep an old lady and Alex has never been the type to be in a relationship for longer than a month." Gemma raised an eyebrow.

"I know what I saw Clay. Alex needs a good, strong man in her life and she could do a hell of a lot worse than Happy."


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: You guys are simply the best! Anyone who writes knows that reviews help to fuel the muse. As a writer, when I know that my story is being well received, it lights a fire under my ass to continue to write at a steady pace and get more chapters out quickly. Thank you guys so much._**

* * *

The ride to Vegas was mainly driven in silence. Less than ten minutes after Happy pulled out of the lot, he looked over to see Alex fast asleep. Her feet were propped up on the dash, her arms crossed over her abdomen and her hair was covering her face. Happy let out a slight smirk and thanked God that Juice had the good sense to put a GPS in the van a few months back. Happy didn't want to have to wake Alex every few miles to make sure he was traveling the right way. He had been driving a bike since he was 16 and he avoided a cage at all costs but Happy quickly learned there was a reason why Gemma was the Queen: when she made a request, you damn well better comply with it. Also, if Happy was being honest, spending a few days with Alex wasn't the worst thing in the world. She held an air of mystery around her and he was wondering who the real Alex was.

He nudged her awake when the annoying little computer voice told him that they were turning down Alex's street. He watched from the corner of his eye as she stretched before pulling her feet up Indian style. She pointed to a condo with a Lexus SUV in the driveway and he pulled in behind it. There was nothing spectacular about the row of condos. They all seemed to have well-manicured lawns and they were far enough from the strip that whoever lived here was able to avoid the noise of tourist, but still close enough that it Happy could make out the lining of some of the taller buildings.

Alex grabbed her bag and walked down the driveway to retrieve her mail. Happy watched as she opened the door and he was grateful that her central air seemed to working really well. Vegas was hot as hell, even though it was barely noon. Alex turned to look at Happy.

"You can look around; I'm just going to head upstairs and change." She smiled at him as she all but ran up the steps. Happy looked around the living room and nodded appreciatively. She seemed to have a taste for darker colors as her living room was decorated in dark brown, blue and grey. There was a massive television sitting above a fireplace. She had a massive movie collection and a couple of video games placed on a shelf next to the television. He looked to his right and saw a modern kitchen that held a lot of newer appliances. Happy knew she must do a lot of cooking because people that didn't cook normally don't have a food processor sitting on the counter.

He walked down the narrow hallway and noticed a half bath that wasn't that exciting. He pushed open the closed door and noticed that it was her office. It held a desk with a laptop in one corner and a couch underneath the large window. He looked around and saw pictures of various Sons members, Gemma and Luann but that was about it. No photos of family members or any hint of what she did for a living. Happy remembered about this one porn bitch he used to fuck on a semi-regular basis, mainly because she was a hell of a cook. Her apartment had been a shire to all the dicks she held in her mouth over the years. She had framed covers of all her videos and pictures of every porn star she had ever met. Alex had none of that. It was like she went out of her way to not be Alexis Allana anyway she good.

"Hey." Happy turned and Alex was standing in front of him wearing a red maxi dress with her hair pulled on top of her head and platform shoes on her feet. She smiled softly at him as she raised an eyebrow.

"You hungry?" Happy nodded and she motioned her head for him to follow. "Well let me introduce you to my Vegas."

* * *

She had driven about ten minutes before pulling up at an outdoors restaurant. She hopped out and waited for him to follow suit. She seemed confident as she walked towards the front door and when she walked inside, she was immediately engulfed in a hug. Happy stood back as Alex talked to the older gentleman in Spanish and laughed along with whatever was being said. She waved Happy over.

"Jose, this is Happy. Happy, Jose is the best cook in Vegas. He is the only one I have met that knows how to make authentic Puerto Rican food." He nodded his hello and followed Alex out back where she sat down at a table in the back. It wasn't long before a beer was placed in front of him and a margarita in front of her. At his raised eyebrow, she explained.

"I come here all the time. Jose is kind of like my Vegas Tig….without the crazy." She smiled when Happy let out a bark of a laugh. This was the first time that she had ever heard him laugh and she loved how deep and slightly sensual it was.

Happy sat back 45 minutes later with a full stomach and nursing his third beer. He watched in amazement as Alex had torn into her plate with vigorous energy. He always enjoyed seeing a woman who wasn't afraid to eat and Alex had no shame about eating in front of him. After the bill was settled, Alex took on a serious expression.

"I have to go by the studio and talked to Jason. I know he's pissed that I'm quitting the porn biz right now but there are some papers that I need and I don't want him having to use for any kind of leverage." Happy nodded in understanding.

"You sure that is a good idea?" Alex shrugged her shoulders.

"Probably not, but it needs to be done. Plus there is someone I need to check on." Alex stood up and kissed Jose before promising to visit once more before she leaves and heading to the car with Happy trialing behind her.

They pulled up in front of a white building with no sign and Happy noticed that Alex's right hand shook slightly. She went to open her mouth to tell Happy to stay in the truck but he quickly got out before she could say anything. She rolled her eyes, knowing that was probably going to happen. She walked inside the studio and smiled at the young security guard on duty. Happy followed her down a long hallway until they were standing in front of a row of chairs.

"I have to go in by myself. Do you mind waiting right here?" Happy didn't like the idea but he sat down anyway. He kept one eye on the porn playing on the flat screen in front of him while keeping his ears open for any commotion. Commotion didn't take long and within minutes Happy was bolted out of his chair when he heard the yell of a deep voice.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Happy burst through the door to see a tall blond male holding his bleeding nose while Alex seemed to have fire shooting out of her eyes.

"She's a fucking baby. She was only supposed to do fetish films. How dare you sign her up for a goddamn anal shot?"

"She's a whore just like the rest of you bitches and she will do what I want her to do." Before Happy could react, Alex had lifted her foot and kicked the man so hard in the stomach that he stumbled back. She reached in her purse and pulled out a knife before pressing it against the man's throat.

"Don't you ever call me a fucking whore. Where is she? Where the fuck is she?"

"Mexico." Happy watched as Alex's eyes grew big and she pushed the knife down a little further before releasing him.

"You better get down on your knees and start praying because if ANYTHING happened to her at that chop shop, the only thing that will save you will be a divine intervention." She grabbed a folder and walked out of the door with Happy right behind her.

* * *

It was later on that night after Happy had taken a shower when he went to go look for Alex. She had remained silent for the rest of the evening other than showing him his room and giving him a washcloth and towel. He walked downstairs and made out her figure sitting on the back porch nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels. She jumped slightly when he pulled the door opened before she turned back to pouring herself a large amount of alcohol and handing him the bottle. The sat in silence for a few minutes just enjoying their respective drinks.

"You wanna tell me what that was all about earlier?" Alex sighed as she lit up a cigarette and took a deep breath.

"Her name is Cassie. She's a baby, barely 18. She came in about three months ago and I tried to look out for her. She reminded me a lot of myself when I first started. She came from a fucked up situation and I tried to teach her the ropes. Jason is making her do some degrading shit to get back at me."

"What's in Mexico?" Alex snorted.

"A porn stars worst nightmare. Jason sends the girls down there to get cheap surgery. Normally they come back with a new set of tits and a nasty drug habit." Alex rubbed her forehead and Happy could clearly see the worry on her face.

"What are you going to do?"

"Nothing I can do. She probably will be down there for a while, depending on what Jason is having her get done. All I can do is leave a note with her roommate that she will always have a place at Caracara with me." Happy had more questions. He wanted to know where she learned to handle a knife or throw a punch but he could tell that Alex was guarded about a lot of shit and he didn't want to press his luck. They sat outside for about another hour before Alex announced she was heading to bed. When Happy finally made his way upstairs, he looked in on Alex sleeping before he retreated back to his room.

* * *

The next morning Happy could smell coffee and it pulled him downstairs almost blindly. He stopped in his tracks to see Alex with her back to him as she sang along with the radio and whisked a bowl of eggs. She had on a tank top and boy shorts, her long hair was braided to the side and she looked nothing like the sad woman from the night before. When she noticed Happy staring at her, she offered him a wide smile.

"Hope you're hungry." She said as she poured him a cup of coffee and sat it down in front of the creamer and sugar. They made idle conversation as she made two omelets with bacon. The food was delicious and Happy couldn't' remember the last time he had a home cooked breakfast. When it was done and Alex started the dishwasher, she turned back towards Happy.

"Thanks for last night."

"I didn't do anything."

"You listened and that's all I really needed. So I've been thinking: we should be able to head back to Charming in the next two days or so."

"That's quick."

"I only had two more months on my lease so my landlord is letting me off the hook. Most of my furniture I am going to donate. All I need is to pack some personal belongings and transfer my bank accounts and we will be good to go." Happy watched her walk up the steps and wondered how interesting things were going to get with her in Charming full time.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: The character of Alex is based off a girl named Bianca Cruz. She used to play softball and has since turned to modeling. Google her name if you want a better understanding of how I envision Alex. Also if you can, focus on the picture of her in dark jeans, grey tank top with her hair all over the place: that pic was really my inspiration.**_

* * *

True to her word, Alex and Happy were back in Charming within three days. Happy was currently working in the shop with Tig, Jax, Opie and Clay while the others were helping Alex place some boxes in the back storage room since she was going to be staying with Clay and Gemma. The last three days in Vegas had been mostly uneventful. Happy learned that Alex was extremely organized so packing and sorting shit was pretty easy. She had even cooked him an amazing meal for her last night there. She didn't seem sad to be living Vegas behind but Happy did note that she seemed a bit nervous about all the changes that were going on in her life.

"Yo, Earth to Happy." Happy shook his head and turned to stare at Tig. He cursed himself for zoning out being as though his job in the club was to always be alert.

"What's up man?"

"How did shit go in Vegas?" Tig knew that Gemma was trying to play Biker romance with Happy and Alex and while Tig knew that Alex could and has done worse than Happy, he still wasn't sure if he was completely on bored with the idea. Tig and Happy were a lot alike and they normally had the same views when it came to women. In all the years that Tig had known Happy, he had yet to see the Tacoma killer settle down with anyone.

Tig had been protective of Alexandria from the second Luann brought her around the clubhouse. It didn't take long to realize that Alex was the epitome of a walking contradiction. She was in porn but never flaunted it. She was as tough as they came but there was also an honest vulnerability that she wasn't afraid to show from time to time. When her car had broken down a few weeks after first moving to Charming, Tig had the task of going to pick her up. She offered to buy him lunch and Tig was never one to pass up a free meal. They stopped at some outdoor diner and Alex proved to be good company. She never even flinched once at the various patrons who seemed to shy away once they saw the cut and the man with the menacing blue eyes.

From that day forward, the two had developed a friendship that few people understand. Alex had a way of calming Tig down when things started to get out of control and Tig knew that he would happily lay down his life for Alex if need be. He had been against her move to Vegas in the first place because he knew that Alex did not need to be in porn forever and he was scared about what would happen to her if she was all alone.

"Vegas was good. She had a run in with some director though." At Tig's raised eyebrow, Happy started to explain about their visit to see Jason and her worry about her young friend.

"Princess will be safe here. This club is full of people that love that girl to death. Besides, Gemma would skin us all alive if we let something happen to her." Happy chuckled softly before addressing something that had been bothering him for a while.

"Yo, where did that chick learn how to fight? She fucked that dude up before pulling a knife on him." Tig laughed loudly causing the others to come over and enquire what was going on. This started a bunch of old stories about the feisty Latina.

"Remember that time she made that one prospect quit after he grabbed her ass and she broke his nose?" The men laughed amongst themselves until the woman behind all the laughter sauntered up to the garage and leaned against one of the cars.

"Nice to know some things never change. You all still stand around and get paid to do shit." She laughed at the mock glares thrown her way. Her eyes met Happy's and she offered him a megawatt smile before turning to Jax.

"You got plans tomorrow?" The blonde biker shook his head. "Can you take me to see Otto tomorrow? Apparently people are starting to get antsy about new material but I refuse to set foot in that studio until I have talked to Otto?"

"No problem, darling." Alex smiled again and gave a little wave as she walked back towards the office.

* * *

The following morning, Alex was studying herself in the mirror. She really wished that life came with an instruction manual from time to time. How the hell was supposed to dress to see her former boss's husband who was currently on death row and wanting to see her before she took over the crown as the Queen of Porn? The sheer ridiculousness of it all would be laughable even it wasn't Alex's life.

She settled on a pair of light jeans that rode low on her hips, and a white short sleeved shirt. She pulled her long hair to the side and braided it over her shoulder. Alex grabbed her open toed booties before opening the door and heading downstairs. She accepted a kiss from Clay and a cup of coffee from Gemma before sitting down at the dining room table.

She was nervous because she knew this was the first thing to check off the list before it all changed. She looked up when Bobby and Jax came walking through the door and gave them both kisses before laughing when Bobby handed her a blueberry muffin—her favorite.

After an uneventful breakfast, Alex rode bitch as Jax navigated through the streets heading towards the prison. It was as if time stood still. Alex was aware that the bike was moving and the scenery changed, but she really couldn't focus on anything.

After signing in, being patted down and practically frisked, she waited patiently in an open white room as various prisoners started to make their way in. She stood up when she saw the unmistakable look that was all Big Otto. She had heard about the damage to his eye and Alex's heart went out to Otto. She accepted a quick hug and kiss before sitting down across from him. They kept the conversation light at first, just general questions.

As long as Alex had known Otto, he had always been in jail. Luann had brought her up to meet him for the first time when she was about 18 because she wanted Otto to meet the young girl that was helping to keep his care packages so extravagant. She immediately liked the man and admired the way he was so completely and ridiculously in love with Luann. It was obvious that she was his everything and it was a mixture of sad and sweet when they were seen together.

Alex never knew the full story behind why Otto was in jail, all she knew that it was club related. She wondered how Otto felt about giving up his life for the club and they couldn't even keep her alive. Alex expressed her condolences and they both shed a few tears for Luann before Otto made Alex promise that she would do everything in her power to keep Caracara up and running. She promised that she would do her best and made it a point to tell him that she would be visiting often. She couldn't replace Luann, but at least she could offer him an ear from time to time.

* * *

By the time Jax and Alex had gotten back to the clubhouse, she was exhausted. It was Friday which meant it was only a matter of time before the clubhouse would be filled with crow eaters and wannabes. Alex sighed deeply as she propped herself up on the barstool and signaled to the Prospect to bring her a beer. She savored the cool drink as it went down her throat and she asked Kip for a shot of Jack and to keep them coming. After the past few weeks, Alex had every intention of getting drunk just to be able to clear her head for a while.

"It went that well, huh?" Alex turned her head and smiled at Tig who sat down next to her.

"It was fucking gut wrenching." Tig just nodded his head in understanding. Death of a family member was never easy and Tig knew that Otto was in a serious amount of pain being stuck in a cell and not able to grieve properly.

"Happy told me about your little run in with that director asshole." Alex had a feeling that Happy would say something so she wasn't too surprised when Tig brought it up. "You alright?"

"I'm just worried about Cassie. I shouldn't have left her alone with Jason. I don't know if I will forgive myself if something happens to her."

"You can't help everyone, Princess."

"She's a fucking kid Tig and she doesn't have anyone. No family, nothing." Alex took another pull from her beer before speaking again. "All I can do is hope she gets my letter and contacts me." She looked up when the doors opened and three scantily clad women walked in the door. Alex's eyes immediately narrowed when she saw Ima leading the pack. Ima and Alex never got along. Ima treated porn like it was some amazing life choice and thought she was Caracara's answer to Jenna Jameson. Ima stopped in front of Alex and smiled fakely causing Alex to roll her eyes.

"You shouldn't be running Caracara. I was always Luann's number girl."

"No you were Luann's number one whore, there is a difference."

"You think you are so much better than everyone else but you're not. You were sucking and fucking for a paycheck just like the rest of us." Alex flinched slightly, hating that Ima's insult held a grain of truth. She quickly recovered though.

"The only reason why you succeeded as long as you have was because you have a no hole unfilled policy. You were the bottom barrel bitch that would do anything for a few bucks. You further proved that theory by letting Darby pimp your stupid ass out for five bucks and a line of powder." Alex looked out the corner of her eye and noticed they were starting to attract a crowd.

"A lot of things have changed since you have been gone, Alex."

"You are right. A lot of things have changed Ima. The first thing that has changed is like or not, I am now your boss. Now be a good little slut and go stand over by that stripper pole because if you are continue to piss me off, THAT will be your new occupation." Alex stood up and brushed past everyone to go outside.

* * *

The next morning, Alex was sitting at Gemma's dining room table with her pajamas still on. After her little run-in with Ima, she was no longer in the mood to party. She had the Prospect drop her off home, took two sleeping pills and was knocked out in minutes. Now she was stirring her coffee and trying to figure out what she needed to do today.

"Heard you had an interesting night." Alex smiled when Gemma sat down across from her.

"Nothing ever gets past the Queen, does it? I'm not scared of Ima. She is one in a million and can be easily replaced."

"Good for you baby. Lay down the law early. Don't let these bitches walk over you. You didn't stand for it before, don't start now." Gemma took a pull from her joint before speaking again. "So how was your love life in Vegas?"

"Non-existent. Gemma, you know how I feel about dating." Alex never stayed in a relationship too long. She was quick to find faults in her partner and running away before it got too serious.

"You are 25 baby. At some point, don't you want to settle down?"

"Who the hell is going to want to be with a girl whose only listing on her resume involves the words cum facial? Men want to fuck porn stars, not marry them." Alex's eyes took a somber turn as she thought about that fact. She knew for a fact what many thought of her and her profession. She had also seen first-hand how relationships could crumble very easily just because of what the woman did for a living. She had witnessed many fights between couples when they guy started to get uncomfortable when the truth of what their girlfriend did for a living would hit them.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Alexandria."

"I'm realistic about what I've done and who I am, Gemma. Sitting behind the camera is not going to change who I am." Alex stood up. "I'm going to jump in the shower and go to the mall. I'll talk to you later Gem."

Gemma sat at the table and felt her heart ache for the girl she considered to be her daughter. She never fully understood until this moment how Alex viewed herself. Alex thought she was damaged, used pussy and Gemma was determined to change her perception. She grabbed her cell phone off the table and scrolled down.

"Yeah?" She heard the raspy voice answer.

"Happy? It's Gemma. I was talking to Alex this morning and she wants to do some shopping. I don't feel comfortable with her going by herself and I have to babysit Abel all day. Do you think you have the time? If not, I can ask Juice or the Prospect." Gemma smiled to herself, hoping that Happy would take the bait. She heard him groan loudly before kicking some woman out of his room. Gemmas snorted as she listened to the girl practically beg to stay.

"Yeah, I'll be there shortly."


	6. Chapter 6

Two hours later, Alex ran down the steps dressed casually in a pair of yoga capris and matching tank top. Her long hair was pulled into a low ponytail and she was practically makeup free. She went in the living room to grab her purse and almost screamed at the sight in front of her. She looked around the house and realized they were the only two there.

"Uh…hey." She said to Happy who turned off the television and stood up.

"You ready?" Alex raised an eyebrow so Hap continued. "Gemma asked me to go with you shopping." Alex groaned to herself.

"I'm more than capable of going to the mall alone, Gemma shouldn't have called you." Happy shrugged his shoulders.

"Well she did and I'm here so let's go." He guided her with his hand as she stalked to her car. She waited for him to get adjusted on his bike before she pulled out of the driveway, Happy following closely behind.

An hour later they both pulled into the local shopping mall. Alex sighed to herself as she prepared for the interesting trip that lied ahead of her. They walked side by side until they reached the mall directory. Alex scanned the list for the places that she needed to be and she quickly started to walk with Happy right on her heels.

They walked inside Bath and Body Works and Alex scrunched up her nose. Every time she walked in that store, she had to take a minute to adjust to all the different scents that flooded the place. She walked over to the Signature Collection and started to scan the shelves for what she needed. She practically jumped when a blue bottle came into her view.

"Is this it?" She looked down at the bottle of Aruba Coconut in Happy's hand and nodded.

"How did you know?" Happy shrugged his shoulders.

"You always smell like coconut." He handed her the bottle and walked away to the front of the store. She watched his back before shaking her head.

"Goddamn blood hound."

They had been shopping for well over an hour and she knew Happy was fighting the urge to strangle the shit out of her. It wasn't Alex's fault that Gemma assigned him this stupid job. She had stuff to purchase and she wasn't going to let his sour mood ruin it. She offered to buy him ice cream but he just cut his eyes at her. She only had one more store to stop in and she swore when they stepped inside Victoria's Secret, his black eyes lit up for a moment.

She grabbed a bag from the front door and proceeds to shop. She hit the 5 for 25 underwear sale and picked up about 20 before she went searching for matching bras. Even if she hadn't shown her lingerie to a man in quite some time, she still liked to match underneath her clothes. She placed a few sweats in the bag as well as some cute little tops before heading for the register. Nearly 500 dollars later, she was finally ready to leave the mall and Happy couldn't be more ecstatic. They were walking back towards the entrance when something caught her eye. Alex excused herself as she all but ran into the novelty shop. She quickly grabbed the item and paid for it just as Happy was walking in the store. She smiled up at him when she handed him the item.

He looked down at the black and red keychain with a bottle opener attached and let out a bark of laugh that made Alex giggle. The keychain had the phrase "World's Greatest Babysitter" written on it. Happy looked down at her as she placed the keychain in his front pocket.

"Smartass."

* * *

Instead of dropping the bags off at Gemma's first, the pair decided to head straight to the clubhouse. When Alex walked in and saw the church doors open, she peeked inside to see Jax, Tig and Clay joking around.

"Everything alright doll?" Clay asked as Alex shut the door behind her and crossed her arms.

"Make her stop Clay."

"What are you talking about?"

"Gemma." Alex exclaimed. "You know just as well as I do that she is up to something and she needs to stop."

"What did Ma do now?"

"She's trying to set up Happy and Alex." Tig raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"She had him running to the mall with me. I'm sure he has better uses than being my errand boy. It's not fair to him or me. I told Gemma that I wasn't looking for anything from anyone but you know how she doesn't listen." Alex was frustrated. She loved Gemma to death but she couldn't deal with the older woman's attempt at setting up a Biker Booty Call.

Alex walked towards the table and collapsed in one of the chairs as she put her head in her hands. She felt Jax give her a sympathetic pat on the back. If anyone knew how Gemma could be when it came to getting an idea in her head, it was Jax.

"I'm five seconds away from telling her that I'm a lesbian." At the end of the sentence, the door opened and Juice and Half-Sack were standing there looking at Alex with wide eyes.

"Are you? Cause that would be really hot?" Alex glared at Juice while Tig threw one of his rings at the young kid.

* * *

The following day, Alex walked through the doors of Caracara for the first time in over a year. She glanced down at her cell phone and knew that she had about an hour before the crew started to pile in. She sent out an email that there was to be a meeting this morning and attendance was mandatory if they wanted to keep their jobs. She looked around at the trashed studio. She had been informed that the ATF had practically ripped the place to shreds but she had no idea how bad it was.

She tried to maneuver her way through the place but it was practically a lost cause. She went into the office and the stacks of papers made her wince. She cursed the boys for not giving her a heads up about this shit.

"Alexandria?" Alex turned her head at the soft voice and smiled.

"Lyla." The two women hugged each other and laughed. Lyla had come in about four years ago and Alex instantly took a liking to her. She was an innocent, doe-eyed thing with long blond hair and a sweet smile. She did real well with the men who had a school girl fetish as she didn't look a day over eighteen.

"How have you been? How's Piper?"

"Good. We're both good. How about you? I heard about the award. Congrats."

"Yeah, thanks. I'm good. I'm staying with Gemma right now until I figure out my next step. I didn't realize how bad things have gotten here." Lyla nodded as she found a spot on the desk to sit on.

"Between the ATF and that asshole Caruso, Luann was damn near driving her head in the wall on a daily basis."

"You have any problems with Caruso?"

"He broke my nose about a week before Luann died. SOA went after him with bats just to shake him up." Lyla's voice trailed off but Alex caught on to the implication. The Sons didn't shake Georgie up, they just managed to piss him off and Luann paid the ultimate price.

"So what's this I hear about you and Opie getting close?" Alex looked over as Lyla blushed and looked down.

"He's been having some trouble with the kids since his wife passed; I'm just helping him out." Alex raised an eyebrow.

"You like him." She smiled when Lyla bit her lip. "Opie's a good man. He may look like a bear but the man wears his heart on his sleeve. Shit's been rough on him but don't give up on him sweetie. Just wait things out." Lyla hugged Alex just as people started to pile in. Alex laughed when she saw Chibs and Juice practically skip into the studio.

She stood in front of everyone as she got prepared to face the firing squad. "This situation isn't ideal for any of us. I hate the fact that I am here because Luann died. I know that some of you" She looked at Ima who rolled her eyes, "are not happy about me being here but tough shit. This was Luann's request and I am going to do everything in my power to honor her legacy the right way. Now looking around this place, there is an overhaul that needs to take place so for the time being Caracara will be closed until I can clean up and organize. We have enough online footage to keep the website going while we revamp. Until then, consider all of you on vacation." She let out a shaky breath as almost everyone clapped.

* * *

Later on that night, Alex was still waist deep in paperwork. She had sent everyone home and opted to stay to get a head start. She rolled her eyes when she picked up her cup of coffee and saw that it was empty. She threw the cup in the trash as she grabbed her cigarettes. She stood up and stretched her muscles before walking out the front door to light up. The tobacco hit her lungs when she saw a bike pull up. She groaned when she saw the bald man walk closer to her.

"Gemma sent you?" Happy shook his head.

"Tig."

"Christ, it's like I'm a fucking teenager." She moaned out loud. She almost forgot how protective these people could be.

"It's close to midnight. Don't you think you should pack it up? You've been here since this morning."

"There some things that don't add up and it's giving me a headache."

"Well it's nothing that won't be there in the morning." Alex pressed her back against the brick wall but didn't say anything. She jumped when Happy's phone went off. She heard him speak a few words before looking at her with intense eyes.

"We gotta go to the clubhouse."


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: As I was writing this chapter, I started to wonder how I could get Alex and Tara to maybe become friends. There is obviously a lot of tension between the two and they have some bad blood but so did Tara and Gemma and look at their relationship now. I think it's going to be interesting to see how I can navigate this. I hope it turns out well in the next few chapters._**

* * *

Whatever was going on, Alex knew it had to be important considering that Gemma's car was sitting in the lot and it was close to one in the morning. Bobby gave her a sad smile when he greeted her at the door.

"Come here princess." Tig requested and Alex sat down next to him at the large table in the main area. She looked around at everyone and smiled gratefully when Gemma handed her a cup of coffee. God, she wondered how she would survive without caffeine.

"Happy told us about the director asshole that you were having some problems with in Vegas. He also told us about the girl Cassie that you had been worried about." Alex nodded at Clay's words but was still trying to figure out where this was going.

"I placed Google Alerts on the two as well as Caruso just in case anything popped up." Juice pushed the laptop towards Alex and he pushed a few buttons before an article popped up in front of her face. The headline made Alex see red and start to realize that this Caruso guy was not going to give up without a fight.

Jason had agreed to do three movies under Georgie's production company. There was a photo of the two scumbags shaking hands and smiling at the camera. Alex couldn't help but notice that were standing in front of a large photo of Alex in one of her movies. It was as if the two of them were mocking her. Alex rubbed a hand over her eyes and groaned.

"That's not all." Alex looked over at Juice who pulled up another page and the article made her want to cry.

**Cassie Conner signs 5 year deal with Caruso Productions**

_Cassie Conner, 18, a fresh faced newbie in the porn industry has signed a lucrative deal with Caruso Productions. Conner, previously only known for fetish films will be taking a more dramatic turn in the world of porn by upping the ante and starring in more sexually based films. This news comes on the heels that Jason Logue has also signed a deal with Caruso Productions. Logue is one of the most sought after directors in porn and was credited for launching the career of Alexis Allana, the most recent Starlet of the Year recipient. After the tragic death of porn star turned businesswoman Luann Delaney, Alexis Allana was left the company Caracara, where she first started seven years ago. Alexis announced last week that she was retiring from porn for the foreseeable future as to focus on Caracara. The loss of Alexis Allana is a tough blow to the porn industry who was quickly becoming a fan favorite._

"_Walking away just a day after winning Starlet of the Year is unheard of." Jenna Jameson was quoted when asked at a recent red carpet event. Jameson herself won the prestigious award and went on to become the most successful porn star ever. "There is a big gap to fill with Alexis leaving as she was the natural choice to be the next big thing."_

_With Alexis gone, Georgie Caruso is hoping that Casey Conner will be able to take over. Casey has been out of the limelight for the past few weeks as Caruso said she was preparing herself for her first sex video which should be released in the next few months. Conner is a pretty girl with a great body but that's a dime a dozen in this industry. It's yet to be determined if she will be able to compete with the ghost of Alexis Allana, whose moves and looks were quickly making her an icon._

"That fucking asshole." Alex said as she lit a cigarette. Her head hurt and she fighting the urge to either hit something or throw up.

"I'm sorry baby doll." Alex felt Gemma rub her shoulders but she couldn't find it in her to relax. She looked over at Juice.

"Is there any way you get a copy of the contract?" Juice nodded.

"It might take me a couple of days but I should be able to. Why?"

"I need to find out if there is any legal loophole that can possibly get Cassie out of this shit. I know there is no way she is in the right frame of mind if she is signing some bullshit like this." Alex was starting to feel herself lose control and she quickly got up and headed to the nearest bathroom. It wasn't long after the door shut, that everyone heard the unmistakable noise of broken objects being thrown around.

Gemma turned and looked at one of the prospects. "I suggest you get a broom."

* * *

The following day Alex found herself back at the studio trying to focus on the paperwork in front of her. After destroying the bathroom, she had driven back to Gemma's house and promptly took two sleeping pills and passed out. By the time she had gotten up, the house was empty and she was thankful that she was able to avoid any questions. She looked up as her cell phone rang and she smiled at the caller id.

"Hello?"

"I'm assuming you heard about this shit." Darren was the closest thing that Alex had to a true friend in Vegas. He was a gay porn star who helped her find her condo when she moved. They had spent many nights getting drunk and expressing their displeasure over their respective jobs. Darren wanted to be a Broadway star but a car accident messed up his vocal chords and killed his dreams. He had been kicked out of his house at 16 by his conservative parents when they caught him kissing some senior behind the house.

Darren tried his luck in Hollywood but after only a few bit parts in some crappy movies, he ended up with a nasty coke addiction and his first adult film. Darren, while hating the occupation, loved the money so he moved to Vegas, signed a contract and worked his way up the ropes.

"Yeah I heard."

"Jason is going to destroy that girl. Any little bit of innocence will be stripped from her soul."

"I know but what the fuck can I do?"

"Rumor has it that Caruso wants to set up a meeting with you." Alex looked up as Bobby was leaning against the doorframe.

"What the fuck for?"

"He's going to offer you a choice. You sell Caracara and all the girls to him and he will release Cassie from her contract."

"Fucking bitch." Alex cursed. Talk about being stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Any choice that she made, someone was going to get hurt. She wanted to save Cassie but not at the expense of hurting Otto or the club. Alex motioned for Bobby to come in the office and shut the door.

"What are you going to do love?"

"Fuck if I know. Look Darren, thanks for the heads up but I gotta go." She quickly hung up the phone and reached for her purse. She was quickly becoming a pill popper with all the added stress in her life. She popped two Advil and downed the pills with a bottle of water.

"Hey baby girl. I got your message." Bobby said as he pulled out a joint and lit it. He had a feeling what Alex wanted but he wasn't going to confirm or deny anything until she brought it up. Alex had always been a smart girl and the fact that in order 24 hours, she was able to make a nice sized dent in the paperwork was proof of that.

"Gemma said you had taken over doing the books after you got shot."

"I needed the extra money." Alex nodded. She knew that Bobby had a few kids and a few pissed off ex-wives. That was mainly the reason why he relied on the Elvis gigs so much.

"Apparently so did Luann." Alex raised an eyebrow. "You knew she was taking money didn't you?"

"She said shit has been rough with Otto locked up and some of the girls going to Caruso. She was freaked when I found out."

"You didn't tell the club?"

"Nah."

"Why the hell not?" Bobby was the club's treasurer and he was also one of the most loyal members. Bobby was always thinking about the good of the club and it struck her as odd that she would be so willing to let Luann get away with stealing money. She looked over at Bobby who seemed to be very interested in the joint between his fingers. Her eyes widened slightly.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bobby. You were fucking Luann?" Bobby was the last one she thought would ever pull some shit like that. She knew logically that he hadn't done anything wrong. After all the prison clause was there for a reason and Otto was never getting out, but it still made her stomach turn over.

"Don't look at me like that. I feel guilty enough for this shit." Alex sighed and leaned her head back against the chair.

"Does anyone else know?" Bobby shook his head.

"Well your secret is safe with me." Alex cleared her throat. "Now, put your glasses on old man. We have some paperwork to get through."

* * *

Sunday was family dinner and Alex was not in the mood to play June Cleaver but she sucked it up and was downstairs bright and early to help Gemma start preparing food. She had mentioned to Gemma that she invited Lyla and Gemma said that was fine. They were talking about the latest gossip and generally having a good time before the chaos started.

Gemma was first apprehensive about having another family dinner after the last one ended so horrifically but she knew that some solidarity was needed in the club and Gemma took it upon herself to be that mender to make everything alright.

The women worked in silence until they heard the front door slam. Alex turned her head in time to see Tara glare at Gemma.

"You threatened my boss?"

"I had a passionate conversation."

"Jesus Christ Gemma. The club is the club but my life is mine. Stay the hell out of it." Gemma raised her eyebrow at the young doctor. One on hand, Gemma liked Tara's moxie but on the other, Tara needed to be reminded that no one speaks to the Queen that way.

"Hello?" Everyone turned as Lyla walked in with a dish in her hand and three children in tow. Tara rolled her eyes as she turned back to Gemma.

"So are we giving out hand jobs for dessert?"

"Hey. You need to shelf that shit now." Alex warned from her spot cutting up vegetables.

"Is this what you want Gemma? Me to be a part of the porn convention? Because if you keep interfering with my work, I'm going to have to start sucking dick to pay my bills." Alex slammed her knife down and grabbed Tara by her upper arm. She ignored the woman's protests as she all but dragged her outside. Once they were in the driveway, Alex turned Tara towards her.

"What is your fucking problem? There are kids in there."

"Oh stop with the act Alex. You two are just overpriced whores trying to play housewives." Alex rolled her eyes and didn't care that Jax and Opie were walking up to the two of them.

"Rather be a whore than a coward. Your fancy degree won't stop me from bashing in your fucking skull. You're pissed at Gemma, I get it but Lyla didn't do shit to you for you to talk to her that way. You forget that it wasn't too long ago that you were a criminal in training, sucking Jax's dick in the main room at the clubhouse during parties."

"I'm not that girl anymore."

"Then what are you doing back? If you are not that girl anymore, then why even get involved with Jax again in the first place? You know how things operate around here Tara so if you allow yourself to be sucked back into this life, you have no one to blame but you."

"What's going on here?" Jax asked causing Tara to start walking to her car.

"Ask your mother." Jax watched as Tara got in her car and sped off before turning to Alex who rolled her eyes. She quickly explained what happened and Jax chuckled softly to himself.

"Never a dull moment at Ma's."

"She was fucking rude Jax. Lyla's a good girl. You know better than anyone that your job doesn't define who you are. Tara owes her a fucking apology." Jax kissed the side of Alex's face before gesturing to Opie.

"I'll talk to her after I eat. I'm fucking starving."

"I better check on Lyla." Opie said as the two men headed towards the house leaving Alex to stand there in disbelief. She felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She read the cryptic message from an unknown number and sighed heavily. She turned back towards the house and walked in.

"Everything alright?" Alex just shot Gemma a look as she grabbed a tray to set out on the dining room table. She watched as everyone started piling in and take their seats. She helped Gemma make plates for everyone as she kept one eye on the clock above the stove. She opted out of eating, saying that she wasn't very hungry. She waited until everyone was seated as she excused herself to go to the bathroom.

She sat on the edge of the tub and tried to gather her thoughts. She knew that if she went along with this, there was a very good chance that something to could happen. But she also knew if she said something to any of the guys, she was running the risk of the whole thing being a set up and she didn't want that weighing on her shoulders. Alex stood up and pushed the bathroom window open before climbing through it. She felt like a teenager as she ran around the house to her car, turning it over softly before driving away.

She was sitting at a red light when a massive SUV slammed into the back of her, causing her to leap forward. She tried to get a look at who hit her but the windows were blacked out. She reached over for her purse to grab her gun but cursed when she realized that she had left her purse in Gemma's living room. She opened the car door to make sure that the damage to her car wasn't too severe. When she bent down to check out the back bumper, she missed the approach of the large man and the tire iron clocking her in the back of the head, effectively knocking her out.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: This is a shorter chapter than most of the others but things are getting ready to pick up after this one and I felt as though I didn't want to put too much in this chapter. I hope you enjoy. The relationship between Alex and Happy is slow coming but I'm hoping will be worth it in the end. Just please try to stick with me**_

* * *

Gemma was looking around the dining room table with a smile on her face. She was sitting next to her husband and across from her son. She looked towards the kitchen where Opie's two kids and Lyla's son sat. Things had been hard for Ope and the kids since Donna's death and Gemma was surprised to see genuine smiles on their faces. For that reason and that reason alone, she would give Lyla a chance.

She turned back to her table and laughed as Tig and Chibs were giving Bobby hell for his piece of shit Fatboy. Tig would never get over being bitter about the bike nearly taking him out and almost being sent to Oregon with some bounty hunters. She had heard the story a million times but it never failed to make her laugh.

Happy was looking at Juice and Kip with a bored expression on his face as the two youngest men were discussing some new video game. She watched as his eyes kept darting towards the direction that Alex had went in when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. She had been lectured by Jax, Clay and Tig to leave her Happy/Alex idea alone but if anything, that just fueled her even more.

Opie jerked his head towards the window and it made Gemma look. Her stomach dropped when she saw the lights of the cop car park in front of her house. _Not the fuck again. We can't take any more bad news. _By the time Wayne made his way inside the house, he had gathered everyone's attention.

"What's up Chief?" Wayne looked over at Clay and Gemma with a sad expression.

"Sorry to interrupt your dinner guys but a call came in about a wrecked car sitting alone on 2nd street. I went over to check it out. It was Alexandria's car."

"You must be wrong, Wayne. Alex is here."

"I ran the plates Gemma. It was a 2011 Lexus SUV registered to an Alexandria Cruz. It's her car." Gemma stood up so quickly that her chair tipped back as she ran down the hallway to the bathroom. She started to bang on the door.

"Alex, is everything okay in there?" Gemma waited a few seconds and when she heard nothing, she banged harder. "Alex open up the door." She turned frantic eyes to the men standing behind her. Happy was the closest so he gently pushed Gemma out of his way to kick the door open. They walked inside and there were no signs of Alex anywhere.

"The window." Happy pointed towards the open window. Gemma ran outside and saw that Alex's car was no longer parked on the street.

"What the hell is going on? Where could she have went?"

"And why was her fucking car found without her in it?" Tig wondered out loud. Clay cleared his throat and everyone looked his way.

"Tig, Happy, Chibs and Jax: start tearing this damn town apart looking for her. Opie and Bobby, get the girls and the kids and take them back to the clubhouse. Juice, do your computer shit and see if you can get a trace on her phone. Prospect, come with me." Everyone nodded as they did what they were told.

Clay led Kip up to Alex's room. He turned on the light and started to look in the closest. "What are we looking for Clay?" Kip asked as he started looking on the dresser filled with various products.

"Anything that might tell us where the hell she is and why the hell she would leave through the goddamn window." Clay tore up the room leaving nothing unturned. Alex held a special place in the hearts of everyone, but Gemma especially loved her as if she was her own. Clay was fearing the worst but he would be damned if he wasn't going to at least try his hardest to look for the young woman.

"Clay." Kip held up Alex's laptop that was sitting in the corner. "Do you think Juice would be able to find anything on this?" Clay grabbed the laptop and started to walk out.

"Let's hope so kid."

* * *

Tig, Happy, Chibs and Jax followed Unser to the crash site. Tig started to examine the back of the car while Jax and Chibs looked on the inside. Happy was surveying the surrounding area for any clues.

"This shit doesn't make sense." Tig growled "Why the fuck would she leave her car if someone just hit her? Why wouldn't she call us?"

"Why did she fucking leave without saying anything?" Jax offered as he pulled his head from inside the car. "There is nothing in here. No cell phone, no purse, nothing."

"Well the car doesn't have any blood traces in it, so hopefully that means she isn't injured." Chibs said.

"Yo." The three men turned as Happy came jogging across the street. He held a small device in his hand. The IPhone was bedazzled with black and red skulls. That phone only belonged to one person.

"Alex's phone." Tig grabbed it as he started to push various buttons on the touch screen for any clues that may be able to help them. He went through the call log and found nothing. He checked the messages and noticed that her messages had been clear. He knew for a fact that she must have done that recently as he had just texted a few hours ago and she responded.

"What the fuck is going on?"

* * *

Three hours later and the clubhouse was filled to the rim with noise. Everyone was bouncing theories off of each other and was starting to get agitated that they had heard nothing. The kids had fallen asleep some time ago and they were currently in one of the upstairs bedrooms, completely clueless to the chaos that was surrounding them.

Gemma was starting to get anxious and she needed to take a moment to herself to be able to breathe. She slipped out of the clubhouse with no one noticing and sat down on top of the picnic table. She pulled out a cigarette and went to lit one. She let the tobacco fill her lungs as she closed her eyes and hoped that Alex wasn't somewhere having the same fate as Luann.

The one thing that everyone could agree was that nine times out of ten, Caruso was behind this. Tig figured that Caruso probably was dangling this Cassie chick in Alex's face to get her to cooperate. Happy reminded everyone about that director asshole who seemed to be pissed off at Alex as well.

The screeching of tires pulled Gemma from her thoughts. She was frozen to her spot as she watched in horror as a black SUV barreled through the lot and made a sharp U-turn. The trunk opened and Gemma watched as a body was thrown to the floor before the SUV speed off and disappeared. Gemma quickly got her bearings together and ran as fast as she could to the limp figure on the concrete.

Gemma got a look at long dark hair and she screamed. "CLAY! CLAY!" She knelt down and cradled Alex's beaten body in her arms. "CLAY!"

She looked up as everyone seemed to run out of the clubhouse towards her. Chibs knelt down as he tried to determine where all the blood was coming from. Alex's face was filled with bruises and she had a nasty cut on her forehead. Her clothes had been ripped and when Chibs looked down, he saw an obvious blood stain on her jeans.

"Jax, call the doc." Chibs swallowed back his fears for what may have happened to the young woman. He gently pried Alex out of Gemma's arms and practically ran inside.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Lyssa (a guest) picked up an important mistake that I made while editing this chapter. Thanks for picking up on that. I hope it's fixed now._

* * *

Tara closed the hospital door and leaned against it for a moment to gather her thoughts. When Jax first called her and demanded that she show up at the clubhouse, she had been beyond pissed. She had went home hours ago and waited for him to come and make things right after the big fight at Gemma's and he had never showed. Instead she was needed to play Biker Doctor and ignore what was going on. When she walked in the clubhouse and was pulled into one of the rooms, she had almost forgotten about her anger when she saw Alex lying there. She may not have liked the woman but she would never wish something bad to happen to her.

She had fought with everyone and told them that she needed to go to the hospital. There were certain things that needed to be done that Tara was unable to do in a dorm room with a medicine bag. Now it was nearly twelve hours later and Tara was wondering how she was going to break the news to everyone. When she walked in the waiting room, everyone immediately stood up.

"She has three broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, a minor concussion and her left wrist is broken." Tara sighed before she delivered the last bit of news. "She was also raped and judging by the damage, it's safe to say whoever did this used some type of object." She jumped when Tig threw a chair across the room and cursed loudly.

"But she's going to be okay, right?" Gemma asked as she clutched Clay's hand with everything she had.

"Physically, yes. She should make a full recovery. Mentally, I don't know. These kind of injuries are bound to affect the psyche in some kind of way." Tara looked pointedly at Gemma who understood more than anyone else in the room.

"We will be monitoring her very closely. Because of the injuries, she is placed under a pretty heavy sedation. We will be able to handle the situation more once she wakes up. I'm sorry I don't have anything more to tell you." Tara looked down as her pager went off and she excused herself.

"This has to be Caruso and that director asshole. They are the only ones that would go after Alex." Tig fumed from his spot on the wall.

"What do we do?" Juice asked.

"We find them and we kill them." Clay answered with conviction. "No one gets away with hurting our family. First Luann, now Alex. Those fuckers will pay for this. Everyone head back to the compound. Time for church." Clay kissed Gemma on the cheek as all the boys filed out of the room.

* * *

The annoying beeping sound was the first thing Alex heard. She kept her eyes closed as she tried to gather her thoughts. She couldn't even begin to know what kind of injuries she had sustained other than the obvious. She moaned loudly when a burst of pain ripped through her abdomen.

"You're up?" Alex struggled to open her eyes and when she did she was staring in the face of Tara.

"How long have I been out?"

"Off and on for two weeks now. How do you feel?"

"Like someone ran me the fuck over." Alex tried to smirk but one look in Tara's eyes made her frown. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Look at me with pity."

"Alex…"

"No. You and I have spent too many years despising one another. I would hate for all those insults over the years to be a waste. Some of them were damn good."

"I'm sorry this happened to you."

"Why? You've always said that I was nothing more than a whore. Me being fucked and chucked is nothing new Tara." Alex knew that Tara's intentions were good but this sudden change of attitude was making her unnerved. She couldn't handle sympathy from anyone right now, especially not the woman who never liked her to begin with. Alex briefly closed her eyes before speaking again. "How bad?"

Tara pulled up a chair and went over Alex's various injuries, including the obvious rape. "All of your tests have come back clean but you will need to be regularly tested the next couple of months just to make sure." Tara looked down at her hands. "The club has been going crazy."

"I'm sure. I fully expect most of them to be relived at me being awake in the same breath that they will be cussing me out for sneaking off in the first place."

"Why did you leave without telling anyone?" Alex lifted her cast encased arm and looked around the room for a moment.

"I've spent the last three years without SAMCRO. I've been taking care of myself before; I thought I could do it again. Cassie was my responsibility, not the club's. I let her down, it was up to me to make things right."

"They could have killed you."

"I think they wanted to. God, they are going to be pissed to know I survived this."

"I'm going to call Gemma. Let her know that you are awake." Tara opened the door and turned back towards to Alex. "For what it's worth, I'm glad they didn't succeed in killing you." Tara disappeared before Alex could respond.

* * *

A month later and Alex was seriously feeling as though she was losing her mind. Once she had been released from the hospital and effectively cussed out and hugged by every member of SAMCRO, she had been placed in one of the dorm rooms for the foreseeable future. Clay had basically put her on lockdown until Jason and Georgie were found. She had been banned from working, turning the Caracara website into "Retro Porn" by pulling out older videos that had either never been aired or had been popular years ago.

Gemma had tried to give Alex everything she needed in the room to make her comfortable but at this point all she really wanted to do was climb the fucking walls. She banged her head back on the pillow as Maury announced that yet another man had been caught in the green room with some paid chick. Every day that she was stuck in her room watching mindless television was another day that she was losing valuable brain cells. She launched the remote control towards her door and watched as it cracked on the way down. Seconds later, her door opened and she rolled her eyes.

"Jesus fuck. It would be you." Happy ignored her greeting and placed a bag on her bed.

"I brought lunch. Eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"It wasn't a question." Happy had been sleeping in the room across the hall from Alex and had been more protective of her than either thought he would ever be. A part of him felt guilty that he hadn't been able to protect her considering that Gemma had seemed to place Alex in his hands when she first came to town. Another reason why he had spent so much time with her was because he was one of the only people that wasn't affected by her constant tantrums.

"You are not my fucking babysitter." Alex stood up off the bed and glared.

"Then stop acting like a fucking child!" Happy roared at her. She had gone back and forth before pouting and snapping at people for an entire month and Happy was at the end of his rope. No one had seemed to be able to get through to her but he would be damned if she was going to continue to act like this.

He looked over at her, surprised to see the tears shining in her eyes. She looked absolutely miserable, and for the first time, it didn't seem like boredom or irritation. Guilt washed over him at the sight. Had he been that blind, that he had missed this? He shut and locked the door before grabbing Alex's hand and forcing her to sit down. "What is going on with you? The truth."

"Happy, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin." He nodded, starting to understand a bit more.

"I know you're bored here, but it won't be forever and you'll be back". She shook her head, and he saw a tear begin its journey down her cheek. "Well, if you're not bored, then what the hell is wrong?"

"It's just…" Alex looked down at her lap trying to find the words to express out loud what she was feeling. "I need a distraction."

"From what?" She looked up, relieved to see the understanding in his eyes. It was unnerving, yet comforting at the same time.

"I can still feel his hands on me, I'm not traumatized. I'm not scared of intimacy or any of that, but I can still feel those hands on me. I still taste him, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I know that I won't feel this way forever but…shit, Happy, it's not like I have suitors banging down my door. How the hell am I supposed to move on stuck in this room? What if his hands are the last ones that I ever remember?" His eyes bore into her, and she felt a hot blush rising in her cheeks. She knew that it was irrational, but guilt and shame were shooting through her. That self-deprecating voice was telling her that she should have been able to stop everything that happened to her.

"Do you feel him just now?" Her breath caught as his hand began to travel up her arm, his touch firm and warm and reassuring. "Is this okay?" She nodded numbly, her eyes closing against the wave of sensation that washed over her. He took her other arm into his free hand, and soon all she could feel, hell, all she could sense was his touch. Her arms felt warm and heavy, and she felt a sort of peace settling briefly over her.

Thoughts and emotions swirled in her head, and she shook them off, choosing instead to focus on him. This was what she had craved since she came home. This intimacy and this sweet touch. His hands smoothed over her shoulders, moving to her back, rubbing into taut muscles as she slumped unconsciously toward him. Her head hit his shoulder and she breathed in deeply, her entire being filling with his scent, the undeniable masculinity of him.

His hands stroked firmly over her buttocks, and she sighed when he gripped her thighs, pulling her firmly to straddle his lap, bringing them closer than she had been in months. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, and she could hear how her breath affected him. The racing beat of his heart pounded against her chest and an unmistakable bulge pressed against her core. She wanted his mouth. God, she wanted his kiss more than anything at that point. She craved it, but she wanted to see what he would do. She wanted to hand her pleasure, her control, over to him.

She knew she could trust him, even if she couldn't figure out why and she shivered when his hands began to stroke back up from her feet, this time running over the front of her legs. There was only one likely destination on his path, and her body throbbed in anticipation. Her stomach tightened as it felt his touch, and she began to quiver, her breasts feeling neglected and aching. It was the last place he had to drive out Jason. The last place she needed to feel his hands, warm and reassuring, and she fought the impulse to grab his hands and direct them where she needed them. Instead she forced her arms to hang limply at her sides. "Do you feel him now?" He whispered softly.

"No" Her breath came in one long shuddering exhale as his hands closed over her breasts. He shifted underneath her, the bulge in his jeans growing just as her arousal grew. His touch remained firm, his strokes pressing deep into her skin, its purpose clearly to comfort rather than arouse, but she felt herself moving atop him, seeking out the delicious friction of him moving against her. She heard his grunt of frustration as one hand moved up, cupping her neck, his fingers massaging her scalp until she felt boneless and limp.

He tightened his fingers in her hair, pulling her head back just enough to look into her eyes. Desire was coursing through her body, spreading heat straight from her core to the tips of her toes. A shiver ran up her spine at the look in his eyes. It was possessive, bordering on predatory, and a soft moan escaped her throat as he claimed her mouth, his lips firm and demanding on hers. His tongue never asked for entry. It slipped in presumptuously, filling her with a taste that she craved. She tilted her head, allowing him in deeper, feeling the slide of his tongue against hers, the suck of his lips on her mouth, the way his teeth gripped her lip and pulled, letting her know that she was his.

She began to rock against him, gasping for breath when he pulled his mouth from hers and sought out the sensitive pulse of her neck. "Do you taste him now?" She shook her head wildly, crying out when he sucked at her flesh, her hand wrapping around his head, her fingers clutching desperately at the back of his neck.

She felt his growl of satisfaction, and her head fell forward, burying in the crook of his neck as she rode him desperately. His arms held her close, tight in his embrace. It was all she needed. For the first time since that night, she felt normal. She felt like herself again.

The trill of his cell phone broke into her thoughts cruelly, and her head snapped up briefly. Tightening her fingers around his neck, she pulled him closer, a silent plea to ignore the ring, and he did, pulling her head to the side and attacking the other side of her neck like he was starving. She gasped, relieved when the ringing stopped. Her head fell back, exposing her throat completely to him, and she groaned when the intrusive ring resumed. Pulling back, she looked at him, her gaze hazy with desire. "You should get that." He looked at her, the regret clear in his eyes, and she smiled at him, reaching one hand toward his pocket to hand him the phone as she settled against his chest. Just because someone had terrible timing didn't mean that she had to give up her rather comfortable position.

"Yeah." His voice was brittle with irritation, and she smiled to herself. "You sure? Alright I'm on my way." Happy hung up the phone and took a moment to admire the sheer bliss on Alex's face. He stood up and placed Alex on the bed. "This isn't over yet." Alex could only offer a small smile before Happy walked out the door and she fell into the first blissful sleep that she could recall in a long while.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This story, like most of my others, lean more towards the A/U. I will still have a lot of the same storylines but they will be spaced out more so than the pace of the show.**

* * *

"Watching me sleep is creepy, even by your standards." Alex said when she woke from her nap to see Tig was in the room.

"You got the best TV in the whole clubhouse. Besides, I didn't want to wake you. You looked peaceful." Tig placed the remote control on the dresser. "How are you feeling princess?" Alex thought back to Happy's way of helping her and couldn't help but smile.

"Better. What's up?" Alex knew that Tig being in her room was bigger than just wanting to watch television.

"Get dressed and come downstairs. Clay wants to talk to you." Tig kissed Alex on the forehead and she pushed the covers back. She grabbed a simple pair of sweatpants and tank top before going in the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth.

Walking downstairs she was greeted with half of the club sitting there waiting for her. She smiled at everyone before taking a seat next to Bobby.

"We got a lead on Caruso. He has a home in Rio and we believe that's where he is hiding out." Alex sat there not a bit surprised. She knew Caruso would run and she knew that he would be keeping a close eye on what happens in Charming.

"So what happens now?" Alex asked Clay.

"Well if it was up to Tig, we would keep you locked in the clubhouse forever." Alex immediately opened her mouth to begin to argue but Clay put his hand up to stop her in her tracks. "But we know that we can't do that so we came up with some stipulations. We want you to stay at the clubhouse for the foreseeable future, you are not to go ANYWHERE without someone with you and no more running off trying to solve shit on your own." Alex sighed as she leaned her head back. She really didn't want to agree with them but she knew deep down that it was because they all cared about her.

"Fine."

* * *

A few days later and Alex had thrown herself completely into her work. Most of the guys didn't mind being on babysitting duty considering that Alex was spending most of her time at Cara Cara. She hadn't seen Happy since he had left her room a few days prior and she was trying not to think too much about what that meant. She was walking into her office while looking over an invoice when Gemma's voice made her stop.

"Hey baby."

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to stop in and see how you were doing." Alex sighed as she threw a file on her desk before taking a seat.

"It's exhausting and apparently all this time here has made some of the guys think they are porn experts." Alex held up a Burger King napkin to show Gemma. "This is a list of possible movie names that Juice came up with. Pussy n Boots and The Humping Games are the least offensive." Gemma snorted back a laugh.

"So what's your plan?" Alex rubbed her forehead as she tried to get her bearings together.

"I have a few ideas for some films lined up; I'm just waiting for the sets to be finished. As much as I hate to admit it, Ima is our most profitable girl. I wanted to bring Lyla into the forefront but she's been having some struggle."

"Why?"

"I think she's really falling for Opie and it's conflicting with her job. I have her set up to do a couple of fetish films for the next couple weeks. Figure by that time, maybe she will have a better handling on what's going on." Alex grabbed a notepad and started to run down her list. "I have Juice working on revamping the website as well as working on a sister site. Bobby's helping me with the books; the prospects are helping me with set design. Oh and I want to throw a party next week to help boost morale and the reopening of Cara Cara being fully back in business."

"Well I can help with the party. Get some of the other girls to start pulling their weight." Alex nodded as her phone rang.

"Hello? Yes this is she. Really? All of them? Okay. Thank you very much." Alex hung up the phone and pushed her chair back.

"Everything alright?" Alex smiled.

"Perfect. That was the doctor. All of the girl's test results came back clean. Looks like Cara Cara is finally reopened for business." Alex walked out of the office and started to gather the girls to give them the news. Gemma stood up and crossed her arms as she watched Alex's movements with hawk like eyes.

"Gemma? What are we staring at?" Bobby asked a few minutes later when he came to stand beside her. Gemma saw all the signs, she knew them well. Alex had yet to talk about what happened to her and now she seemed to be driving herself crazy trying to keep busy. She knew it was only a matter of time before the shit hit the fan. "Gemma? What are you watching?" Bobby asked again.

"Alex's self-destruction."

* * *

Another long day, another late night and Alex was in the office going over the expense account. She looked up when she heard one of the main doors open and was shocked to see Tara walk in. It was nearly midnight and Alex couldn't imagine that Tara being here was for a friendly visit.

"Hey." Alex set her pen down and raised an eyebrow.

"Dr. Tara Knowles in a porn studio? I never thought I would see the day." Alex's tone held no malice, just a friendly banter.

"I tried calling you but I didn't get an answer." Alex looked around the cluttered desk and shrugged.

"I don't even want to try and find my phone in the midst of all this shit. What's up?"

"Your last round of test results came back. They were all negative." Alex nodded her head as she stood up to open a file cabinet.

"That's good." She grabbed the file she needed on of the new girls and turned back to Tara. "Was there something else you needed?" She watched as Tara reached in her purse and put a pamphlet on the desk.

"It's a support group." Alex gritted her teeth.

"Stop talking."

"Alex, you need to deal with what happened." Alex glared at the doctor.

"You don't know dick about what I need. Tara, I am thankful that you saved my life but this shit right here? It's none of your business." Alex picked up the pamphlet and threw it in the trash.

"The people that love you are worried about you."

"And they decided you would be the best person to come and talk to me?" Tara shook her head.

"No. No one knows I'm here. I just…I just want to help." Alex shook her head.

"You can help me by backing off." Alex walked around Tara and opened her office door. "I'll see you later doc."

"Gemma was raped." Tara blurted out before she could take it back. Alex slammed the door closed and leaned against it.

"What did you say?"

"A couple of months ago, Gemma was gang raped by three different men. Nobody knows but me and Unser. She's trying to deal with things just like you are, by avoiding it as if it never happened. It doesn't work that way Alex. Every day that Gemma doesn't deal with what happened to her is another day that she gets closer to being on the brink of insanity. The same thing could be said about you. The difference is everyone knows what happened to you, everyone wants to be there to help you and you are shutting the world out." Alex ran a hand over her face as she tried to process everything that Tara had just said. She looked at the woman in disbelief.

"I can't….I can't deal with this right now." Alex yanked the door open and practically ran out of the studio. Tara leaned against the desk and shut her eyes.

"Shit."


	11. Chapter 11

Alex spent the night after Tara's confession tossing and turning. Dealing with her own demons, finding out the truth about Gemma, it was all too much for her right now. Around eight in the morning, Alex had given up on trying to get some sleep. She walked into the bathroom and peeled her sweat filled tank top from her body. She stood underneath the shower head until she could no longer ignore the ice water pulsing through.

She was standing in a pair of denim shorts and a baggy off the shoulder top brushing her hair when there was two quick knocks on her door before it opened. She looked behind her to see Happy standing there.

"Hey." Alex continued to brush her hair as she answered him.

"Hey yourself. Went on a vacation?" She asked, alluding to the fact that she hadn't heard from him in days.

"Something like that." Happy shut the door behind him and leaned against it. The past few days, Alex was all he could think about when he wasn't on club business. He wondered how she was holding up, if she was okay, all the things that he shouldn't be concerned about when it comes to some broad he barely fucking knew. "How you been?"

"Fine." Happy noticed that Alex wasn't making eye contact. Instead she busied herself with pulling her hair back in a tight ponytail before grabbing a few pieces of jewelry.

"Everything okay?"

"Yup." Alex answered as she reached in the corner to grab her purse. Happy was known as a man of few words but her one worded answers was really starting to piss him off. Alex avoided his eyes as she tried to leave the room.

"I have to get to work." Happy grabbed her elbow and felt her whole body tense. What the hell had happened in the few days he had been gone? Alex kept her head down and finally Happy released her. He watched as she ran out the room.

* * *

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Alex stood with her arms crossed over her chest, bored expression on her face as Ima was ranting and raving about not being used in the first video being made for the reopening. "I'm the biggest attraction in this shit hole so I should be starring in this." Alex cracked her neck with irritation. She really did not need this shit today.

"From a business standpoint, girl on girl films are making an all-time profit. Lyla is being pushed into being Carcara's face for this type of genre. Don't worry: I have you all ready for the first anal video in a few days." Ima glared and put her hands on her hips.

"You've always been jealous of me and now because you're the boss, you think that you can just say or do whatever you want."

"I don't think, I know." Alex got closer to Ima and noticed that Juice and Chibs stood up in case they had to intervene. "I am sick to death of people telling me what I need to do, what's the best choice. I just came back from Vegas: the goddamn porn capital of the country. I am the Starlet of the Year. Do you know what that means sweetheart? That means one phone call and I will have ten girls up here whose pussies can't be run through with a fist. So I highly suggest that you shut the fuck up or get the fuck out!"

Alex turned around to see everyone watching the exchange. "And that's goes for all of you. If there is something that I am doing that you don't agree with, you know where the door is."

Alex walked outside and leaned against the wall. She couldn't handle all this shit right now and it was taking everything in her power not to beat the shit out of someone. She reached in her pocket and grabbed her pack of smokes. Lighting one up, Alex let the smoke fill her lungs as arched her back and heard the cracking.

She looked over when she saw Gemma's truck pull up and park beside hers. Alex waited until Gemma was standing right in front of her and offered her a small smile.

"Chibs called. Said you looked like you needed someone to talk to." Alex snorted as she blew smoke out the side of her mouth.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Gemma light up her own cigarette before taking a hard look at Alex. "What's going on with you baby?"

"Tara stopped by last night, started talking about some bullshit support group." Alex turned to look Gemma in the eye. "I'm assuming she once gave you the same song and dance not that long ago." Gemma was quiet for a moment before responding.

"She told you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Didn't want to worry you baby. I need to figure this shit out on my own."

"Jesus Gemma, you are like a mother to me. I can't believe you would keep something like this from me."

"You see how Tig and the rest of the boys are going crazy looking for that asshole who did this to you? Running around with murder in their eyes? What the fuck do you think is going to happen when they find out my truth? The guys that did this…there aren't some porn assholes. They are connected, the likes of which the club has never seen before. I tell them the truth, they will get sloppy and they will end up dead or on the inside. I can't let that happen."

"So how are you getting through all this?"

"I smoke a lot more." Gemma smiled but sobered up when she saw the look on Alex's face. "We are survivors' baby. We will survive this just like everything else."

"You and I both know eventually the truth will come out. Always has a way of doing that in this town. Are you worried?"

"What do you mean?"

"You worried Clay won't want you anymore?" Alex paused and looked down at her shoes before clearing her throat. "I've been damaged pussy since I was 18 years old, letting men run up in me for a paycheck. I always knew that I was never going to be someone's wife, be a mother and I was okay with that. But now…after this? Between the porn and the rape, who the fuck is going to want me Gemma?"

Gemma grabbed Alex's face in her hands and forced the young woman to look at her. "You are beautiful, smart and any man would be lucky to have you, you hear me?" Alex rolled her eyes as she pulled her face away.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that the club is the only reason why you've been keeping your mouth shut and not because you're scared of Clay's reaction." The two woman locked eyes and Alex found the truth she was searching for.

"That's what I thought. You've got a husband that loves you and you are still scared of his reaction. Face it Gemma, there is no fucking hope for me."


	12. Chapter 12

Alex put her makeup brush down and took a deep breath. Tonight was the Caracara party and Alex could think of about three million other things she would rather be doing than going to the event. She hoped to only be there for a total of two hours. That would give her enough time to get some nice clean photos in for publicity before the clothes started flying off and the mayhem started.

Alex turned in front of the full length mirror and studied herself. She had on a long sleeved black jumpsuit that dipped down in the front. Her long dark hair was pulled up in a bun on top of her head and she finished the look off with big hoop earrings and a long dangling necklace. Alex liked the look: it reminded her of a 70s fashionista.

"Come in." Alex said when she heard two knocks on the dressing room door. She turned and smiled when she heard a whistle behind her.

"Looking good boss lady." Lyla smiled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "The photographer is here. "

"Good. Let's try to get some tasteful shots in before the boys get here." Alex put her arm over Lyla's shoulder as the two walked into the main room.

It was a nice setup. There was a buffet style table on one wall and a bartender on another. Alex made eye contact with the DJ who immediately starting spinning some classic rock music. She smiled and shook hands with the photographer before going over the pictures she wanted. She made sure to get some great stills of all the girls including some of herself. Once she was satisfied that the man knew what he was doing, Alex excused herself to grab a drink.

"You always did have a way of commanding a room." Alex turned and pulled Jax into a hug.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" Alex noticed the tense look on Jax's face and prompted him to follow her to the office.

"What's going on?" Alex asked once the door was shut.

"I need to tell you something and I need you to trust me enough not to ask questions." Alex leaned against the doorframe.

"What kind of statement is that?"

"Alex, please." Alex nodded her head.

"Okay, okay, I won't ask questions." Jax ran a hand over his shoulder length locks.

"A lot of things have changed since you left Charming. Opie getting out, Donna being killed…Luann. A lot of shit has gone down Alex and the club isn't the same. A lot of shit isn't the same."

"Where are you going with this Jax?"

"I was the one that came up with the plan to get in the porn business. Try to start making some legitimate ways to earn. Clay has been against it since day one. He says SAMCRO money is in guns, not pussy." Jax sat on the desk and played with his rings. "What happened to Luann was my fault. I underestimated Caruso and what he was capable of. I guess in a way that also makes me responsible for what happened to you." Alex shook her head as she moved closer to Jax.

"Jax, what happened to me was not your fault. Nobody could have predicted what could have happened to me or to Luann. You were trying to protect Luann and Caracara and it backfired. You can't hold that guilt on your shoulders baby."

"Just…be careful around Clay. He's not the same man you remember years ago. We all have been making careless choices lately but he is the only that one that seems to relish in it instead of trying to fix shit." Alex looked in Jax's eyes and saw torment and angst. She wanted to ask him what the hell he meant, to beg him to stop speaking in riddles but she knew she wouldn't. She turned around when there was two quick knocks at the door and Lyla poked her head in.

"There is a problem at the door." Lyla cut her eyes towards Jax who had his head down. Alex nodded her head.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Lyla shut the door and Alex turned back towards Jax. "I'll be on my guard, I promise." She kissed him on the forehead and went towards the front door. Alex rolled her eyes when she saw Ima all up in Tara's face and Alex could tell that Tara was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

"Hey Ima." Alex yelled, gaining both women's attention. "She's a guest of mine. I pay you to suck dick, not play security." Ima glared at the two women before storming off in her ridiculous outfit. Alex watched as Tara closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes. Alex grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the bathroom. She locked the door as Tara leaned against the sink and tried to gain her composure back.

"You can't let her get to you."

"If it's not her, it will just be someone or something else." Tara looked over at Alex. "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing Alex." Alex sighed. Tara did save her life and she told her about Gemma. The young woman felt like she owed the doctor something. The only thing she could really offer was advice so that's what she gave.

"There is a reason why you came back to Charming." Alex lifted her hand to stop Tara from talking. "To be honest, I don't really give a shit about your reasons but there is something that pulled you here instead of anywhere else in the world. I'm assuming that reason is Jax. You guys may not be kids anymore, but the rules in Charming are still the same. You want to be a part of Jax's life; you have to learn to accept SAMCRO and everything it means."

"So I have to just accept all the violence and pussy?"

"Pretty much." Alex crossed her arms over her chest. "You are not a weak woman Tara so stop acting like you are. Take a stand; assert your place in Jax's life or everyone will continue to walk all over you."

"I honestly thought I was done with this shit. When I left Charming, I swore I would never look back."

"Yeah, well this town has a way of sucking people back in." The two women shared a small smile. "Look you love Jax and Jax loves you. That's the easy part. The rest of this shit, it's the hard part but if you want him, you have to stick it out. You leave him again; Tara and it will destroy him."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Alex shrugged.

"I owe you. I'm just trying to pay off my debt." Alex unlocked the door and pulled it open to see Jax standing in front of her. Alex jerked her head inside and Jax gave her a small smile as he brushed past her. Alex leaned her head against the wall and took a deep breath.

She walked around the room, making small talk with everyone and making sure that everything was alright and good times were being had by all. She smirked when she saw Ima come out of the bathroom looking stunned. Alex could only imagine what the porn queen must have walked in on.

She grabbed a drink as she watched Lyla and Opie whisper to each other in a corner. It was cute and Alex hoped it would work for the two of them. Chibs and Juice were both surrounded by porn stars and they looked downright giddy. Alex grabbed her cigarettes from the back of the DJ booth and made her way outside. She needed some fresh air and time to herself.

Once she lit her menthol she heard a sound from around the corner. Alex's curiosity got the best of her and she followed the noise. She stood stunned when she Clay standing there with his eyes closed, a young blonde on her knees in front of him. Alex abruptly turned around before she screamed out something offensive. She stormed back inside and went in search of her keys. She no longer wanted to be there and she needed to get home now.

She stalked towards her car and practically ripped the door open. Before she could climb inside, she felt a hand on her arm. As if on instinct Alex threw her elbow back and connected with flesh. She turned around to see Happy holding his abdomen while glaring at her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Me? You're the one getting violent."

"Well maybe you shouldn't sneak up behind a person who just recently survived an attack you moron!" Alex yelled, annoyed by Happy's presence and the fear that was stirred in her stomach by the thought of someone coming up behind her.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking." Happy said and he seemed sincere. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the clubhouse."

"Everyone is here."

"Exactly why I wanna go back. I've had a long day and I just want some sleep."

"You shouldn't be going back to the clubhouse alone. It's not safe." Alex sighed as she threw her purse towards the passenger seat.

"I'm really not in the mood to watch the boys fucking and that's what is getting ready to happen."

"I'll go back to the clubhouse with you." For some reason the thought both excited and scared Alex.

"That's not necessary. No one is going to walk into the clubhouse and abduct me." Happy ran a hand over his 5 o'clock shadow as he tried to figure out a way to approach this subject with Alex.

"What's going on with you?"

"What are you talking about Happy?"

"Before I left, we were…you were…it's just you seem a lot different since I came back." Alex knew Happy was referring to the time they spent in her room but after finding out about Gemma and dealing with her own shit, she had managed to put what happened in the back of her mind.

"Look, Happy. Thank you for what you did, for everything that you've done but I don't know what you want from me." Happy crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why do you assume I want something from you?" Alex rolled her eyes.

"You see those girls in there? The ones on their knees and lying on their backs? I am one of them and a fancy title and my own office doesn't change that. If Luann wouldn't have died, I would still be in Vegas wiping cum off my face for money. I'm never going to be the girl that you take home to Mom and I've accepted that years ago. I've accepted who I am and what I do…but sometimes, lately, when you look at me, it makes me feel like I'm not that girl. That day in my room was the first time in my life that I didn't feel as though I was simply just a paid whore and I shouldn't have those feelings." Alex wasn't sure if she was making sense to Happy, even though it all seemed perfectly logically in her head.

"So let me get this straight: you like the way I make you feel and that's why you've been avoiding me." Alex could see the amusement in his eyes and she gritted her teeth.

"This is not funny."

"No it's not." Happy walked closer until Alex was pinned in the door. "I don't know what happened while I was gone but since the minute you took off that fucking wig in the clubhouse, I have never once seen you or treated you like a whore. But one thing I won't do is chase you so if you want to run, I'm not stopping you." Alex and Happy locked for several minutes before she looked down at her shoes.

"Excuse me please." Alex remarked quietly and when Happy backed up a few steps, she jumped in her car, slammed the door and drove off.


	13. Chapter 13

The following afternoon Alex lay in her bed with her eyes wide open, but making no moves to get up and actually do something with her day. She knew that her sudden change was coming off as a bit of a shock to some, but she didn't realize how big it was until Happy confronted her last night. Alex was never a girl who had a lot of self-worth but it seemed like the rape stripped her from the little bit of dignity that she had left.

Tara was right; she did need to start dealing with the events that happened to her. Alex couldn't imagine herself in some support group though, spilling her secrets to a bunch of strangers for judgment and ridicule. She thought about going to church but she immediately rolled her eyes. She hadn't set foot in church in over a decade and she couldn't' see herself going now.

Maybe she should just Google it and see if she could join some message board or something. Alex scratched her stomach as she stretched out like a cat. She could hear various noises coming from around the clubhouse so she assumed it wasn't a busy day for most of the guys. She wondered if Happy was there. Did he bring some girl home last night after she left? Alex was annoyed with herself that she was even wondering or caring if he did.

If Alex hadn't have found out about Gemma's rape, would her reaction to Happy coming back have been different? They did share something in her dorm room, even if she couldn't really define what it was. There was something in his eyes last night that she couldn't get out of her head. It was as if he was disappointed at her rejection but that couldn't be true, could it be? All these questions were giving Alex a headache and she contemplated taking a few pain pills to try and get some rest.

Her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand and Alex grabbed the device and looked at the caller ID before answering.

"Hello?"

"Alex, it's Wayne." Alex immediately sat straight up. A personal phone call from the Chief was never a good sign. Alex and Wayne had always gotten along relatively well and he always was respectful to her. She had no idea why the man would be calling her though.

"There was an arrest earlier today for prostitution. One of the girls was Ima and she's in here making a big stink, claiming that she wants to speak to her boss Jax." Alex smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Stupid whore." Alex muttered to herself before turning her attention back to Wayne. "Thanks for calling me Wayne." She hung up the phone and flung her legs over the bed to stand up. She was grabbing clothes out of the drawer as she tried to call Jax. When he didn't answer, Alex groaned as she stalked towards the shower.

Walking in the police station Alex's eyes scanned the room and sighed when she didn't see Wayne, but instead David Hale was coming her way. David was not a fan of Alex's and the feeling was mutual. The pair had gone out on a date when Alex first moved to Charming but once he found out what she did for a living he decided that he couldn't be associated with "someone like her."

"Alex. I heard you were back in town."

"David. Where is she?"

"How have you been?" David asked ignoring Alex's question.

"Fan-fucking-tastic. Where is she?'

"Are you in that much of a rush? I'm trying to catch up Alex." Alex glared as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You amaze me. You have all this free time to catch up? Don't you think your time would be better spent doing something like finding Luanne's killer?" Alex watched as David's smile dropped.

"We followed all leads and we haven't been able to collect enough evidence to be able to make an arrest." Alex rolled her eyes.

"Of course you haven't but if the wind blows to the west when it's supposed to blow to the east, you and your band of officers will be at the clubhouse ready to swing your badge around and arrest someone. Can I see Ima or not?"

"Her bail is $5000." Alex smiled.

"I'm not here to bail her out. I just need to speak with her." Hale sighed when he knew Alex was not going to be leaving until she got what she wanted. He motioned for her to follow him and they walked back towards the cells. She stood in front of Ima's cell and smiled when the blonde expressed outrage at seeing her there instead of Jax.

"Jax Teller is not your boss and I don't appreciate you slinging names in hopes of getting yourself out of trouble."

"Jax is a part of Caracara."

"You have no idea about the business aspect of Caracara and who is a part of what. Pinning your bust on a Son is not a smart move sweetheart." Ima rolled her eyes as she stood up.

"Can you please just shut the fuck up and bail me out?"

"Bitch who are you talking to. I have no intentions of bailing you out. You need to give your pussy a rest and this cell seems like just as good of a place as anywhere else."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You are going to make me stay here. I know you have the money to bail me out Alex."

"Stay in time-out Ima, think about your future and what you are going to do next because I'm not sure that I want to continue to pay you as long as you are a liability to my business."

"You can't fire me, I'm under contract."

"I'm pretty sure getting arrested for prostitution and drug possession will warrant me your release." Alex tapped the cell bars and winked. "I told you not to cross me Ima. See you later."

Alex fixed her purse as she walked back towards the front of the station so she could leave when she heard a voice stop her.

"Alexandria Cruz?" Alex rolled her eyes as she turned towards the voice. It was a woman with dirty blonde hair and a pantsuit.

"Who the hell are you?" The woman smiled as she reached out her hand.

"Agent June Stahl, ATF." Alex looked down at the hand but made no moves to touch her. "Do you have a minute?" Alex glanced over at Wayne who subtly nodded his head.

"What do you want?"

"I would like to discuss your involvement with the Sons of Anarchy."

"I would like to live on an island with Channing Tatum feeding me grapes. We don't always get what we want."

"You seem very hostile when all I would like to do is get to know you a bit better." Alex rolled her eyes.

"I'm not looking to make any new friends nor do I feel like playing mind games with the fucking ATF. You want to talk to me, get a warrant." Alex turned and walked out of the station.

* * *

Alex sighed as Gemma waved her over the second she walked out of the car. If it wasn't thing, it was another.

"What's up Gem?"

"I wanted to give you a heads up. Clay got wind of Ima getting arrested and him and Jax had it out."

"Why? This wasn't Jax's fault."

"Clay thinks that playing in pussy is bad for SAMCRO, that it's going to bring heat to the club. This arrest just proves him right." Alex put her hand in her back pocket as she leaned back against the wall.

"Shit. This is the last thing I need to deal with right now."

"This thing with Clay and Jax, it's been brewing for a while now. They don't agree on anything and it seems like they are moving farther and farther in opposite directions." Alex noticed that Gemma seemed to be more worried than usual.

"From a financial standpoint, SAMCRO being in business with me is a good thing. They are getting thirty percent of the profits and that really does add up. However if associating with me and Caracara is going to be bad for the moral of SAMCRO, then maybe it would be best if I buy them out."

"Do you have the means to do that?"

"I made good money in Vegas and I have been saving since I started fucking. I think I could cover the cost. Would you like me to speak to Clay about it?"

"The boys went out on a run but maybe when he comes back, you throw out your offer to him." Alex nodded in agreement. Alex turned her head at the sound of motorcycles and watched as Happy and Tig pulled up in the lot before retreating towards the clubhouse.

"What's his deal?"

"Whose?" Gemma asked.

"Happy's.. What do you know about him?"

"Not much. He started off in Tacoma. Clay was really impressed with him and had him come down to Charming to do some of the harder jobs over the years. He recently went NOMAD, something to do about his mother being sick. Far as I know, he doesn't have any kids and no old lady." Gemma glanced at the expression on Alex's face. "Everything alright doll?"

"Yeah…it's just…I may have been rude to him last night for no reason. He's been good to me, put up with my bitchy attitude when the rest of you ran from me. I just don't know what he wants from me." Gemma looked at Alex as she stared almost wistfully towards the closed doors.

"Did something happen between you two?" Alex turned her head towards Gemma.

"No. I just really don't think I'm in a position to be throwing away possible allies, especially not after everything that has happened." Alex knew by the look on Gemma's face that she didn't believe her. "Just drop it Gemma. Please." Alex walked out of the garage and headed to her car.

* * *

Several hours later, when the sun had started to set and Alex could no longer ignore the annoying automated voice telling her she needed gas; she finally made her way back to the clubhouse. Alex had driven up and down the California highway just trying to empty her head.

She walked inside and ignored everyone as she went straight up to her room. No sooner had she shut the door did it open to reveal Jax look worn and tired.

"Hey babe." Alex greeted as she plopped down on the bed face down. Jax shut the door and took a seat on the chair.

"Heard about Ima." Alex snorted into the pillow. "She said you refused to bail her out."

"I'm not her fucking mother, she's not my responsibility. Don't tell me you bailed her out."

"Hell no. I don't have that kind of money to waste on bullshit." Alex rolled over and pushed the hair off of her face.

"Gemma told me that you and Clay got into today about Ima and Caracara."

"Ma shouldn't have come to you with that."

"She says being involved with Caracara is pushing you two apart. Jax, if this deal is going to cause problems within the club, I can buy you out. Give you the thirty percent that you earned plus the money back for the renovations; it's not that big of a deal." Jax clenched his jaw.

"Gemma is not a member of this club and I think she forgets that sometimes. We voted on Caracara and everyone but Clay was on board. Don't try to fix the shit between me and Clay. It's bigger than Caracara." Alex sat up and crossed her legs Indian style.

"Jax, what's going on with you? Is everything alright?" Jax leaned back in the chair and sighed.

"I've just been finding out some things that I never knew before. About Clay, the club, my father. Everyone expects me to take that gavel when Clay steps down and I'm just trying to find my own path, figure out what I want my legacy to be." Jax lit up a smoke and Alex did the same. "Things have been turning to shit lately. The ATF has been riding our asses, Donna and Luann getting killed, what happened to you, fighting with Clay, I just don't know if I'm coming or going anymore Alex." Jax needed to get this off his chest, needed to confide in someone and he knew that Alex would never take anything he said outside of this room.

"So you're pushing for change and Clay wants to keep things the way they are?"

"I've got a son now, a family to think about. I love this club but I can't help but wonder if this is how it's always going to be. Making deals and runs, constantly looking over our shoulders, blood shed, losing loved ones. I found this shit that my Dad wrote. It was all about the club and what his plans were. Alex, this was not an outlaw club. The way he was talking it was like some goddamn hippie shit. They all just wanted to ride and be free. Something changed all that and it's been like this ever since."

"Isn't the danger part of the excitement though?" Alex held up her hand. "Just hear me out. Most of those guys that are patched in are because they have an outlaw mentality. It's more than just being a family; it's a connection that binds you all together that goes far beyond just a love for motorcycles. I can never see SOA being just a motorcycle club."

"I don't know anymore." Alex sighed as she put out her cigarette.

"Look you are talking about Clay's vision for the club and JT's vision for the club but what do you want? Put aside the shit with Clay and the things your father wrote. At the end of the day, when you take that gavel, that's when you will truly know what kind of President you will be. JT is your blood but Clay did raise you. Whether you like it or not, those two voices will always be in your head guiding you. Maybe there is a balance between hippie love and outlaw." Jax thought over what she said and realized she may be right. He got up and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Thanks Alex."

* * *

The next day Alex walked into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She was disappointed to see a lack of bake goods on the counter. Alex started going over a mental list of things that she wanted to get done today. There was some paperwork that needed to be done, she wanted to get the boards for the new short video she was working on, she needed to swing by the grocery store and pick up some real food because as long as stayed in the clubhouse with a bunch of boys she was running the risk of gaining fifty pounds eating bullshit.

Alex mixed the creamer in her cup as she heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Happy standing there.

"Hey."

"Hey." Alex looked down at her cup before glancing back up at Happy. "Look, I owe you an apology for the other night."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. Just know that's it not about you, it's not about what happened between us that day. I just need to get my shit together, figure out what the fuck I'm doing and you just seem to complicate things."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a confusing thing." Alex reached in her back pocket when her phone started to vibrate. She looked down to see Tig's face pop up. "Hiya Tiggy. What's up?"

"Alex you need to get to Caracara as soon as possible."

"Why? What happened?"

"There was a fire. Caracara was destroyed last night." The phone slipped from Alex's hand as she stood there in shock.


	14. Chapter 14

Happy had picked up Alex's dropped phone and talked to Tig before hanging up. He watched as the woman stood there in complete shock, not moving, just blinking. Happy sighed as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards his bike. She seemed out of it as she placed the helmet on her head and climbed on the back as if on auto-pilot. The drive to Caracara was short and the smell assaulted them before they even pulled up on the lot.

Happy turned his bike off and Alex threw her leg over the side to get down and handed him the helmet. She walked up to the yellow tape that was surrounding and just stayed there. She noticed that the Sons seemed to be in one corner while the law enforcement and firefighters occupied the other.

"Ma'am you can't be here." One of the firefighters came up to her and was getting ready to pull her away when Hale stopped him.

"She's the owner." The firefighter nodded his head in recognition before walking away from her. Alex surveyed the scene with blurry eyes. She could hear voices around her but she couldn't be bothered to pay attention. Alex felt like this was all just a horrible nightmare.

Ever since she stepped foot back in Charming, it was one crisis after another. Living in the small town for a number of years had taught her that Charming always held a fair share of drama but this was the first time that the drama seemed to continue to be directed at her.

"This had to be Clay." Alex heard Jax say but she didn't turn around. She didn't know if she believed that Clay would burn down her business but Jax's voice held an air of self-assurance. Clay had always been good to Alex, never once treating her anything less than gold. Would his hatred for SAMCRO being in the pussy business really be cause enough for him to burn the place the down without any regard to how it would affect her?

Alex's breath started to become shallow and her head was spinning. She leaned forward as the bile rose up her throat and she promptly threw up. She started to cough uncontrollably and she felt someone grab her hair and start to rub her back.

"It's alright princess." Alex heard Tig's distinct voice behind her. Once she was done, she kept her head down and tried to take deep breathes but it was no use. "Alex, baby, try to stay calm." Alex nodded her head as she finally stood up.

"Alex?" Alex turned to see Hale staring down at her. "You are going to have come down to the station, answer some questions."

"Can't it wait?" Tig asked as he gestured to the obvious bad mental state that Alex was in.

"No it can't. Alex, I can give you a ride to the station." Hale went to grab Alex's arm and she flinched back as if she had been burned. She didn't say anything, just placed a hand on Tig's cheek before walking towards the marked Jeep.

It seemed like forever by the time Alex was free to leave the station. Hale had questioned her about who could possibly want to burn down Caracara. Alex was pretty much zoned out the entire time. She answered the questions with a dull tone as she stared at the hideous yellow wall in front of her.

Alex walked down the station steps and noticed Happy and Tig leaning against their bikes, smoking and obviously waiting for her. Alex made her way over to the two men and accepted a hug from a Tig and a nod from Happy.

"Do you really think Clay could be behind this?" Alex asked.

"I talked to Clay. He looked me in the eye and said he had nothing to do with the fire at Caracara."

"Do you believe him?"

"Of course I do."

"Jax doesn't." Tig sighed.

"Jax and Clay haven't been seeing eye to eye about much of shit lately. He's looking for someone to blame so he can stop feeling guilty about what happened to you and Luanne."

"Are you alright?" Happy asked her and Alex turned to look at him. She thought about smiling and lying but she knew both of the men would see right through her bullshit.

"No I'm not." Happy motioned towards his bike.

"I'm here to take you home." Alex shook her head.

"I don't want to go back to the clubhouse, not right now." Alex didn't want to believe that Clay had been responsible but she honestly didn't want to see him just in case she was wrong. Just the idea that any Son could do to this to her, do this to Luanne and Otto made Alex's stomach flip. "Can you take me to the cemetery please?"

* * *

Happy watched with hawk like eyes as Alex walked over towards Luanne's tombstone and sat down in front of it. He didn't even want to think about the mind frame the woman was in right now. He leaned against his bike as he watched her run her fingers over Luanne's name before placing one hand in her lap and the other ran over her hair.

Alex's shoulders were hunched over and Happy could see Alex talking to the tombstone and one of her hands came up to run over of her face. Happy's phone rang and he answered it while still keeping an eye on Alex.

"Yeah?"

"Hap, it's Jax."

"What's up man?"

"Are you busy?" Happy took in his surroundings.

"I took Alex to the cemetery to see Luanne." He heard Jax suck in his breathe.

"Shit. She alright?"

"No." Happy answered honestly.

"I need a favor. I need you to get in touch with Quinn for me."

"For?" Happy asked.

"I'm going NOMAD."

* * *

The following afternoon, Alex had finally woken up after taking two sleeping pills to calm her nerves. She walked in the clubhouse and refused to speak to anyone. Instead she went in her room, locked the door and turned off all the lights.

She threw on a sweat suit and pulled her long wet hair back in a messy ponytail, not really giving a shit how she looked right about now. She went downstairs to grab a bottle of soda before heading towards the office. She walked in to see Gemma smoking a joint and staring off into space. Gemma glanced over as Alex took a seat.

"Jax wants to go NOMAD." Gemma announced as she passed the joint Alex's way.

"Does he have a death wish?" Alex knows that NOMAD was mainly where the toughest and most unstable members of SOA were. Most of them didn't have a lot of families and didn't care if or when they died.

"It's this shit with Clay. I gotta snap both of them out of this bullshit." Alex took a pull from the joint before placing it in the ashtray.

"I need the insurance papers for the studio. I have to call them about the fire."

"You okay baby?" Alex snorted.

"I will be. I'm going to go and talk to Otto on Monday."

"About what?"

"About how he wants me to proceed. What he wants me to do. I don't think I was the right person to do the job Gemma. Maybe I should just go back to Vegas."

"You can't go back to Vegas."

"Gemma look around. Ever since I came in this town, it's been one thing after another. The fire is just the last straw. I don't belong here."

"You don't belong in Vegas Alex. You were miserable there, you said so yourself." Alex groaned as she leaned her head back.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing Gemma. I rebuild the studio and then what? What else is going to happen around here? I'm fucking exhausted."

"Baby we will survive this, we always do."

"Why does everything have to be a survival? Life shouldn't have to be this fucking hard." Alex was exhausted both mentally and physically and she was quickly reaching the end of her rope.

"Life isn't easy baby; you know that better than anyone." Alex snorted as she looked over to see Clay and Jax in an intense argument. Alex stood up as she looked down at Gemma.

"You have the power to keep Jax here and if that's what you want, then you know what you have to do."

* * *

"Come in." Alex said the following morning from her spot on the bed where she was catching up on her shows. She looked over when Tara opened the door and shut it behind her. Tara leaned against the doorframe and sighed.

"Gemma told Clay and Jax about the rape last night." Alex threw the remote on the bed and leaned back.

"I figured she would."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that telling the boys about her rape was the exact thing to keep Jax from going NOMAD and it would bring the guys closer. Common enemy and all that shit."

"She had to do for her too." Alex rolled her eyes.

"If it wasn't for this shit going on with Clay and Jax, Gemma would have taken the rape to her damn grave."

"Jax says they are going to take the rape to the table."

"Let the blood bath begin." Tara moved so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. The two women sat in silence before Tara turned to look at Alex.

"Gemma thinks she's damaged pussy, that Clay won't want her anymore because someone violated what belongs to him." Tara locked eyes with Alex. "Is that how you feel?"

"I've been damaged pussy long before the rape."

"You honestly believe that?"

"You going to tell me that's not true? You are one of the first ones to take glee in pointing out my occupation. You have the same opinion about me as everyone else; one rape is going to start making me an angel in people's eyes."

"Don't you want someone in your life to love? A family? I can't imagine you getting any of that without dealing with what happened to you."

"I gave up on the idea of love and family a long time ago. Not all of us are meant to get our happily ever afters."

"Every deserve happiness Alex. Even porn stars." Both women turned when the door swung open and Tig stood there, his face was covered in blood and bruises. Alex hopped off the bed.

"My God, what the hell happened to you?" Tig looked lost as she stared at him.

"Gemma…you…Luanne…Donna...it's just so fucked up. I had to tell him, I had to give him some peace."

"Tell who what?" Alex asked as she walked Tig over to the chair and Tara announced that she was going to leave to grab the first aid kit. Tig grabbed Alex's hands and looked on in the eye.

"Opie. I had to tell him, Alex. He had to know that I was the one that killed Donna." Alex gasped at the revelation and she watched as Tig broke in front of her eyes. She held him and shook her head at Tara who was getting ready to come back in. Tara pointed that she would be waiting in the main room and shut the door.

"Tell me what happened Tig." Alex listened as Tig told her everything from Stahl manipulating the club to him spraying bullets in the back of Donna's head.

* * *

Later that night, Happy walked towards his dorm room, his mind still reeling from the announcement from church. Gemma was one of the toughest women he had ever met, the club's mother and to think that something like this could happen to her made Happy's stomach turn. After church he had driven down to Bakersfield to check on his own mother. There was something about learning certain truths that make others have to come to terms with their own demons.

He had heard about Tig confessing to Opie about killing Donna. Happy had always suspected that there was something odd about Donna's death and the Niners so called hand in it and now he knew why. He didn't look at Tig any differently, Happy knew it wasn't all his fault but he knew that this death was not like the others and Tig would spend the rest of his life regretting his actions.

Happy pulled his keys out and noticed that Alex's room was cracked open. He pushed it slowly and saw Alex sitting on the floor, smoking a joint while soft music spilled the room. Her eyes looked dull and lifeless as she stared at the wall in front of her. She had on a simple red tank top and a pair of boy shorts, her long hair was flowing down her back in crazy waves.

Happy knocked on the wall twice and Alex looked his way. "Hey Hap." Happy shut the door and took a seat next to Alex as he sparked up his own joint.

"Rough day?"

"Rough life." Alex answered as she looked over towards the IHome as Adele's song Set Fire Through the Rain started to play. "How are you?"

"Good." Happy answered. He looked over at Alex. "You know about Gemma?" Alex nodded her head but Happy saw something else in her eyes. "Did you know about before today?" Alex paused for a second before nodding again.

"Tara blurted it out by accident. She thought maybe it would help me with my own shit."

"Has it?"

"Gemma and Clay have been together for years and she was still afraid of his reaction, afraid of how he might look at her after knowing the truth. Clay looks at her with fucking stars in his eyes and she still wondered if he would love her." Alex reached in the bottom drawer of the nightstand and took out a bottle of Jack. She took a large sip before handing the bottle to Happy and he did the same.

"The only one around here that thinks of you like a whore is you." Alex cut her eyes towards Happy but didn't fully look at him. Everything was finally starting to make sense to Happy. He now understood Alex's change in behavior and why she seemed to be shrinking into her own body. Happy sighed. He was attracted to Alex; something about her was pulling him closer. He wasn't good with words, didn't use them unless necessary so he knew he would have to try a different tactic.

Alex looked up when Happy stood and walked over towards the door making sure to lock it. "What are you doing?"

"Stand up." Happy ordered.

"What?" Alex asked, more than a little confused given her current state of being filled with weed and booze.

"Stand. Up." Happy said again. Alex placed the bottle down and got to her feet. She held her breath as Happy walked closer to her, shedding his cut and throwing it in the chair.

"What are you doing?" She asked again. Happy's eyes darkened as he looked down at her.

"I want you to feel what I see when I look at you." Alex gulped as Happy's hand found its way to her neck and he pulled her in for a kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Here it is finally...This chapter contains sexual content. I struggled with writing this chapter because this is a different Happy then I'm using to writing. He wants to help Alex but it can't be like with other girls not only because of her low self-worth but also because of the rape. I hope you all enjoy it and don't think I've jumped the shark too much with this chapter. **

**Update: Thanks Meg Pairrer for pointing out an important error. It should be fixed now.  
**

* * *

Alex's eyes closed the second Happy's lips touched hers. It was a gentle kiss, but it still set her body on fire. She leaned forward as her knees started to give out. She felt Happy wrap one arm around her waist while his other hand was holding the back of her neck slowly guiding her. Alex's mouth parted and Happy took that as a good sign and the kiss became more intimate, more sensual. Alex moved her hands to grasp Happy's waist and she moaned softly when he pulled his lips from hers.

Happy's onyx eyes locked with Alex's deep brown ones as he watched her face for any sign of discomfort or fear. All he saw was arousal and a bit of confusion as she bit her lip under his intense gaze. He ran both hands up and down her arms and felt the goose bumps. "You cold?" Alex shook her head. Happy moved her so she was standing in front of her full length mirror hung behind the door. Alex's eyes immediately turned down but Happy grabbed her face.

"Look up." After a few seconds, Alex obeyed and she looked at the vision of herself and Happy in the mirror. She studied the way he was looking at her as if she was the only woman he had ever seen and it was so intense that she had to turn to face him. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, reaching out to stroke her face gently. Her eyes closed briefly at the contact, and she covered his hand with her own, reaching up to bring his lips to hers. Alex felt herself being pushed back towards the bed until she collapsed on top of the mattress.

He lowered himself slowly as they kissed, his weight settling into her and drawing a moan from them both. She released his hand, pulling him deeper into her embrace, her tongue dancing with his and fighting for control. His hand left her face and ran slowly down the side of her body, hooking under her knee and pulling slightly to bring her leg around his waist. She sighed as she pulled him closer, feeling his erection hard against her hip.

His mouth left hers, kissing a trail down her neck as his hand brushed lightly back up her body, lingering just beside her breast. He kissed her neck, licking and sucking at the sensitive skin, while his fingers stroked her over the dress. Her body was on fire, and her breasts ached for his touch. He pulled up, still stroking her softly and looking into her eyes, as if making sure she was okay

"Touch me." It came out as a whimper, and Happy pressed his weight again into one arm. Her eyes were closed in rapture, and he pressed his mouth to her ear.

"Open your eyes." She obeyed, and he raised himself up again, meeting her gaze. His hand moved slowly, and he locked eyes with her as he pressed against the softness of her breast. She moaned loudly, all sense of reason long gone. She touched his face, his neck, his arms, looking for an anchor in the web of sensation around her. "God, you're beautiful," he repeated softly, sitting up.

His hands moved to the straps of her thin tank top, pulling them gently down her shoulders, and helping her to peel the fabric down her body, finally revealing her breasts to his gaze. He was touching her softly, and she thought she might die from the intensity of it. His fingers trailed lightly over her nipples, leaving them aching and unfulfilled. He ran the backs of his fingers along the sides of her breasts, making her shiver in anticipation. "You're so soft," he whispered reverently.

"I want to see you," he whispered. His hands moved lower, caressing the skin of her stomach, and he watched in fascination as her muscles tightened under his fingers. Alex lifted her hips, allowing him to slide the shorts off of her. His eyes moved over her, clad in nothing but her panties

She watched in fascination as he ran his hands down her legs. "You are the sexiest thing I've ever seen." His voice was low, and only aroused her more. She pushed herself up and pulled his mouth to hers hungrily. He moaned as she kissed him possessively, crushing herself against him.

Alex reached up and pulled the white tee shirt from Happy's body. She pressed herself against him, and they moaned at the feeling of skin meeting skin. Happy's arms tightened around her for a moment, and she buried her head in his neck, inhaling his scent and relishing in their closeness. Her mind began to wander as she felt his mouth and tongue moving over her shoulder, up the column of her neck, and finally sucking gently on her earlobe. Her breath quickened and she felt any control she had begin to snap.

He pushed her back onto the bed, his hands moving over her body as he settled over her. He palmed her breasts, teasing her nipples until they were hard, and she ached for more. Her breath was heavy with arousal, and she arched into his touch, wanting more. He pressed their mouths together hotly before lifting away and looking at her. Her eyes were half-closed, her hair rumpled around her, and her hands rested lightly on his arms.

He let out a low growl before lowering his mouth to her breast, and she gasped, arching into him frantically. "Happy!" He teased the nipple with his tongue, driving her passion higher and higher before suckling at her, drawing a moan from deep with her. He switched to her other breast and her hands moved to fist in the comforter as she lost herself in his mouth.

He released her breast, moving lower to kiss her stomach, dipping his tongue into her belly button and drawing a sharp gasp from her mouth. His hands trailed her sides, running over her curves until they met the thin lace covering her. He looked up, meeting her gaze with a burning one of his own. He moved one hand between her legs, cupping her over the material, and he groaned. "You're so wet," he rasped.

His fingers pressed against her and she squirmed, needing more. "Easy," he whispered. "I want this to last." His fingers dipped into her folds, pushing the underwear aside as they explored her.

Smiling wickedly at her, he left her sex, squeezing her ass before he ran his hands down to her knees, pushing them up to her chest, and draping her legs over his shoulders. He pressed his mouth to her core, his hot breath hitting her through the lace, and she bucked against him, screaming.

He looked up with a grunt. "I hope you're not attached to these." His voice was hoarse, and Alex moaned as she felt his fingers hook into the sides of her thong, ripping it easily. He slid the fabric from her, dragging it over her wet folds, eliciting another moan. "God, I want to taste you," he whispered harshly, looking into her eyes. She nodded frantically, unable to speak as he pressed his mouth to her again, and she felt his tongue lap from her opening to her clit, taking its time, pressing into her. "You taste so good," he groaned against her, and she trembled as his mouth began its assault. When he pressed two fingers into her, she screamed.

"Happy" He had meant to take his time. He wanted to make her come over and over before he finally buried himself in her, but it had been too many lonely nights and dreams of her, and any control he had was lost as she screamed his name. He sucked and nibbled furiously at her swollen clit, thrusting his fingers in and out of her, making sure to hit that spot each time.

He felt her heels running frantically across his back as she writhed underneath him, her hips straining against his mouth. With one final thrust of his hand, she came, her fingers fisting into the bedspread and her body arching off the mattress. He licked her gently, riding out her orgasm with her until her body calmed and he felt her legs heavy against his back. He looked up at her and bit back a moan.

Her body glowed in the dim light, her skin shiny and damp with sweat. She let her legs fall wide off of his shoulders as she pulled him up to kiss him. "That was incredible," she whispered against his mouth. He groaned as her legs lifted, squeezing against his hips and she rolled him over, sitting astride him while she ground herself against his erection. They both gasped at the friction, and his hands gripped her hips, stopping their motion.

The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen sat, straddling him, completely exposed to him while her fingers moved to his waistband, releasing the button there and dragging down the zipper. She lifted herself off of him, and moved to lower his pants when his hand pressed against her core.

She gasped, rubbing herself against his fingers, and it was one of the most erotic sights he'd ever seen. Her head lolled forward, her hair cascading around her shoulders as she fought to control herself. "So wet," he whispered in wonder. She looked at him, stilling her body and lowering her hands to his waistband again.

"All for you," she replied softly, and he moaned, lifting his hips as she dragged the pants and his boxers from his body. She stared in appreciation as she dropped his pants to the floor.

She bent over, pressing a kiss to the glistening head. He bucked off of the bed. She looked up and moved up, holding him in one hand. He watched, breathless, as she guided him into her, and they moaned. He pulled her body down, crushing her against him as they lay motionless. "Finally," he rasped. "God, you feel good." She moaned in response, and she felt him move inside her, stretching her and filling her completely.

Her hips strained to meet his thrusts, and they increased their pace. His hand slid between them, moving lower until he found her clit and pressed down, adding a new friction each time their hips met. She pulled herself up, bracing against him to grind her hips further against him, and he raised his free hand to her breast, fondling it as they moved against each other. He could feel them getting closer. He pressed hard against her clit and tugged her nipple hard to bring her release, feeling her clench around him, screaming his name. He followed her a moment later, spilling into her in ecstasy. She collapsed on top of him, and he closed his arms around her, holding her tight, still sheathed inside of her.

The sex had been beyond incredible and Alex had never felt so wanted before in her life. However, even the sex couldn't compare when Happy pulled back the covers, settled them both into bed, wrapped his arms around her and fell asleep.


	16. Author's Frustrated Rant

**A/N: Heads up: this is not a new chapter, I'm still working on editing that now, however some reviews came in that made me want to just say a few words.**

**So I'm getting ready to have a minor bitch rant so just a heads up: This is NOT a Tara/Jax fanfic or a Tara-centric fanfic. This is a Happy/OC based fanfic so therefore to the "Guest" who reviewed on ONLY the beginning chapters where there is an obvious back history tension between Alex and Tara, please kindly kiss my ass. If you had continued to read the story, you would have noticed that within the next couple of chapters Alex and Tara's relationship has shifted into more of a "mutually respect" relationship.**

**I understand that there is a big group of people who are Pro-Tara and I don't review on other's stories when I don't like how they portray Tara, even though I'm not a huge fan of hers, telling them that I hate Tara and she is such a bitch, etc. If anyone has read any of my other fics, they would see that I wrote a TRIOLOGY where Tara was a main character and I think I did her well enough justice even though I couldn't stand her throughout the 4th season. If you are so Pro-Tara, then I suggest you only read stories that have TARA in the summary.**

**I have an amazing fan base and my reviews and alerts make me smile constantly but I didn't appreciate those little three comments from someone who didn't even have the audacity to sign in or create an account, instead hiding behind the "guest" option. It is not easy for writers to always put their stories out there and a little bit of respect is not much to ask for.**

**There is a difference between constructive criticism and being a bitch…Sorry for the rant….**

**For those that actually enjoy my stories and my characters and the way I see fit to portray them, there should be a new chapter up no later than Friday.**

**Thank you for reading my frustrations.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Alrighty, I'm back and PMS-free lol. I know that my rant was a bit out of character for me because I normally don't respond to BS, but those reviews were just the icing on a really bad cake for me this week.**

**I would love to personally thank all of you that reviewed. You guys know how to make a girl feel special. Sometimes it is nice to feel validated but from here on out I will just ignore the haters and remember that so many of you read and enjoy my work.**

* * *

Alex woke up and immediately tried to stretch her body but was unable to move due to the large arm wrapped around her waist. She smiled with her eyes closed as she thought about what transpired last night. Happy had seemingly done the impossible: he had started to help heal Alex without her even knowing it. Alex finally opened her arms and the sight in front of her made her scream in shock.

"Jesus Christ." Alex exclaimed as Gemma stood in front of her with her arms crossed over her chest and a smirk on her face.

"Good morning?" Gemma asked sarcastically and Alex glared mockingly. She looked behind her to see Happy opening up his eyes. He looked over at Gemma and instead of being embarrassed like Alex; he just offered Gemma a small smirk as he pulled Alex closer.

"Came to watch the second round?" Happy's nonchalant attitude made both Alex and Gemma's eyes bulge out of their heads. Gemma was shocked mainly because that had to be the first joke she ever heard Happy make.

"The lawyer is here to talk about the insurance for the studio. I'll give you two a few minutes to make yourselves presentable." Gemma smiled as she walked out of the room and Alex covered her eyes with her hands.

"God, I feel like I just got caught by my mother." Happy removed her hands and pushed a few strands of hair from her face.

"How are ya feeling?" Alex smiled at Happy's expression.

"Better. Thank you..not just for last night, but for everything."

"Well you weren't the only one that benefited. I'm going to let you get up and deal with your lawyer shit but this thing between you and I….it ain't a one time deal, you hear me?" Happy taking command was hot to Alex for some reason. She simply nodded her head as Happy placed a kiss on her mouth before releasing her.

Alex got up and grabbed Hap's tee shirt that was lying on the ground before pulling it on. She let her feet dangle off the side of the bed as she played with her fingers. She wanted to question what he meant by one time deal. Did it mean that they were going to be a couple, friends with benefits, her sexual psychiatrist? Alex shook her head as she pushed herself off the bed. She was not ready to start thinking about what everything meant.

* * *

An hour later Alex was escorting the lawyer to his car with a stack of files in one hand and a frown on her face. She watched the car peel out of the lot before screaming in pure frustration.

"Problem princess?" Alex turned around and gave Tig, Bobby and Clay a forced smile. She walked around them towards the picnic table and all but collapsed on top of it. The guys looked at one another before joining her, Tig handing her his pack of cigarettes.

"The official report on the fire was that arson was to blame."

"Yeah so? We all knew that." Clay remarked, not really understanding what the young woman's problem was. Alex blow smoke out of her mouth as she rubbed the back of her head. The wonderful feeling that she had this morning was now a distant memory.

"So unless I can find an eyewitness to prove that I didn't start the fire, I won't be able to collect the insurance money."

"Are you serious?" Tig asked as he sat down beside Alex.

"Insurance fraud is a very common thing. People light their own shit on fire all the time."

"Why would they think that you would do that on purpose?" Alex opened the folder and turned it towards the men.

"Holy Shit." Bobby and Clay exclaimed at the same time.

"Luanne had a small fortune for an insurance policy. This is enough to not only rebuild Caracara but I could turn it into a fucking porn amusement park if I wanted to."

"For that kind of money, there isn't a lot I wouldn't set on fire my damn self." Tig said making Alex leaned her head on his shoulder.

"All the security footage was destroyed in the fire and there is absolutely no evidence. I can't rebuild without that money and there a lot of girls that are depending on Caracara for a paycheck. I don't know what to do."

"We'll do some research doll; see if we can convince anyone to start talking." Clay offered. "Oh Gemma had to run some errands, you think you can hang out in the office, answer the phone and shit?" Alex stood up and grabbed the folder.

"Why not? I'm practically fucking unemployed anyway." Alex started walking towards the office, waving to Piney on her way.

"We gotta get Princess some good news soon, Clay. This is bullshit." Tig said, worried for the woman he saw as a daughter.

"Yeah, let's go pay a visit to the good folks at Charming PD and see if we can dig around before we go meet up with Jimmy."

* * *

Alex was staring blankly at the papers on the desk. She never could understand Gemma's "organizational" style and today was no the day to attempt to. She heard the familiar rumbling of motorcycles pulling into the lot and she stood up to look through the blinds.

"Shit." Alex said to herself.

"Everything alright baby?" Alex turned to see Gemma coming in through the garage door.

"Clay called Kozik in to help?" Alex asked pointing to where Kozik and Happy had parked.

"We are going to be going on lockdown soon once the boys come up with a plan to deal with Zobelle. Clay said we need extra bodies."

"Tig know?'

"Don't know." Alex rubbed her forehead, already feeling the headache she always got when Tig and Kozik were in the same room together. "How you feeling?" Gemma asked with a smirk on her face.

"Can you not give me shit about this right now?" Alex pleaded.

"I caught you in bed with Happy this morning. I think that deserves a little explanation."

"You missed that class in sex education?"

"Don't be a smartass."

"Gemma, I can't even enjoy what happened because now I'm stuck dealing with this insurance shit. If it's not thing, it's a fucking another. Besides, I don't even know what to think about this Happy situation and I don't want to overthink it and if I bounce my thoughts off on you or anyone else, that's exactly what I'll be doing." Gemma looked at Alex and nodded her head.

"Okay, I'll back off…for now." Alex breathed a sigh of relief, even if it was only temporary.

"Gemma? You ready?" Kip asked when he appeared in the doorframe. "Hey Alex."

"Hey sweetie." Gemma turned and nodded her head making Kip start to walk towards his bike.

"Clay's got the prospect on my ass."

"And what a lovely ass it is." Alex joked causing both women to smile.

"You okay staying here and closing up?"

"Yeah, it's only for two more hours. If I get bored, I'll have Piney take over or something." Gemma kissed Alex on the cheek before heading towards her truck. Alex watched as Gemma left the lot and the mail truck made its way in.

"Good afternoon." The older man said with a plastic box full of mail.

"Afternoon." Alex emptied the box on the couch and handed it back to the man. "Thank you."

"You have a good day."

"You too." Alex looked over the various forms of mail. Most of it was bills addressed to TM or various members, junk mail and a few magazines. Alex began putting the mail in separate piles when two folders caught her eye. They were both addressed to her with no return postage. There was a thick large envelope and a white smaller one.

Alex grabbed the two and sat down on the office chair. She opened the smaller one first and noticed it was a DVD. There was no writing on it. Alex got up and shut both doors before loading the DVD into the computer. She clicked the play button and watched in horror and shock at the scene in front of her. It was like watching a train wreck, Alex wanted to turn away or shut the damn thing off but she couldn't.

When the screen finally went black, Alex leaned over and threw up in the trashcan. With shaky hands, she pulled the DVD out of the console and put in back in the case. She grabbed the other package and ripped it open. It was filled with pictures, each one more confusing than the last. Alex stuffed the pictures back inside the envelope and weighed her options.

She thought about what happened the last time she tried to figure things out on her own and how well that worked out. Alex felt her eyes well up with tears and she furiously blinked them back. Now was not the time to break. She practically ran across the lot into the clubhouse and yanked the door opened.

Her eyes scanned the room and the only members she saw were Happy and Koizk playing pool. Happy laid the pool stick down when he saw the look on Alex's face.

"Well if it isn't Alexis Allana." Kozik said with a smile on his face. Normally she was used to Kozik's banter but right now, the mention of her former alias made Alex visibly tense. Happy reached a hand out and smack Kozik in the back of the head.

"Walk away now." Happy ordered. Kozik rubbed the back of his head and was getting ready to ask what the hell he did when he saw Happy's face and thought against it. Kozik muttered to himself as he walked towards the bar.

"What's wrong?" Happy asked as Alex thrusted the envelopes in his hand.

"I…I need you to take this to Clay and the boys. I don't…I don't really know what it means but it can't be good."

"What is it?"

"It's a DVD….Happy, someone taped my rape." Alex's voice caught in her throat and Happy looked down at the woman as she tried to gain her composure. "The other one is pictures. Pictures of Jason and Georgie with some guys I don't know."

Happy opened the envelope and started to go through the pictures. His stomach dropped as he noticed the two men that were seemingly doing business with the porn men.

"Do you know who they are?" Alex whispered as if her voice couldn't take the strain of going any higher. Happy nodded his head as his eyes turned pitch black.

"Yeah, that's Zobelle and Weston; the motherfuckers responsible for what happened to Gemma."


	18. Chapter 18

Happy waited outside for the other guys to show up. He had called Clay and told him that he needed the table and that it was important. Happy nodded his greeting at Jax who started walking up, placing his cap backwards on his head.

"What's up bro?"

"You think you could call the doc? Have her give Alex some meds or some shit?"

"What happened?" Happy sighed. He couldn't even begin to put into words what was going on.

"I'll explain everything in church, could you just call her?" Jax nodded as he pulled out his phone. Happy was calling church for Alex? What the hell was going on?

One by one, the men started making their way back to the clubhouse. Happy waited outside with Jax for Tara who showed up in less than ten minutes. She walked towards the two men.

"What's going on?" She asked Jax who just pointed towards Happy.

"Alex is really fucked up right now. Figure you could give her some meds or something."

"Where is she?"

"In her dorm. I put her in there earlier and Piney's keeping an eye on her." Tara looked confused at Jax who simply shrugged his shoulders, as if to tell her he had no fucking clue what was going on either.

"Okay. I'll go see what I can do." Tara said to Happy's cryptic favor.

"Thanks doc. Can you send Piney down? Tell him we are all headed to chapel." Tara agreed as she made her way towards Alex's dorm. She knocked twice on the open door and Piney looked up from his spot watching television.

"Hey doc."

"Hey Piney." Tara glanced her eyes over towards Alex who was sitting in the middle of the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees and staring blankly ahead. Tara looked back over at Piney who just shrugged.

"Don't know doc." Piney said as a way of explanation.

"Uh, the guys are headed to chapel." Tara said, relaying Happy's message. She waited until Piney walked out of the room to shut it and lock it. "Alex?" Alex didn't respond to her name, just blinked and remained staring at the wall. "Alex? Happy said you might need meds for something. I need to know what's going on so I know what to get you." The only news came from the fishing show on the television screen.

Tara grabbed the remote and turned the device off before taking a seat in the chair Piney had just occupied. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees as she started to stare at the same spot as Alex.

"It was cigar burns." Alex said, her voice dull and lifeless and she refused to move her head. Tara jerked her head towards Alex.

"What?" Tara asked confused.

"The burns that you found inside me; they were cigar burns."

"How do you know that?' Alex cleared her throat.

"There were two of them, both Georgie and Jason. They took turns, beat me until I was unconscious and then laid on top of me. When they were done, they each lit up a cigar and left their mark."

"Alex…" Tara said horrified.

"They bit me, hit me, laughed at me, raped me, burned me….and they taped the whole goddamn thing. Waited until some time passed and then sent the DVD to me." The tears flowed silently down Alex's face as she still stayed stoic and dead-eyed. "I watched my rape like it was a goddamn porn film, HD and everything." Tara felt her cheeks become wet. She didn't know what to say. What could anyone say to that?

Tara moved from her spot to sit down next to Alex. She looked at the woman who seemed to age rapidly in front of her own eyes. She moved her hand to place it on Alex's knee but the movement made Alex flinch so Tara quickly brought her head back. Instead she just sat there, offering Alex silent support.

* * *

Happy watched as all the men took their respective seats around the table and Tig growled in Kozik's direction. He watched as everyone looked confused as to why they were being called into church, especially since they had church this morning and everyone was already assigned their duties.

"Alright, Happy is the one who asked for the table." Clay announced making everyone turn in Happy's direction. Happy cleared his throat knowing that this was not something he did often and he was a bit uncomfortable with all eyes on him.

"Alex came to me today. She said that she got some mail; it was two different envelopes. The first one was a DVD. Those fuckers taped themselves raping Alex." The whole room irrupted in disbelief and anger. Happy let them mutter amongst themselves before he slammed his hand down on the redwood, grabbing everyone's attention.

He placed the pictures on the table and shoved them over towards Tig and Clay. "Those assholes are in bed with Zobelle." The guys looked at the photos before passing them around. "I think that Zobelle is behind what happened to Gemma, Alex and Luanne."

"Motherfucker" Tig roared from his spot and Chibs patted the man on the shoulder from his spot next to him.

"It's okay, Tiggy." The Scot offered, even though his eyes were burning red. Chibs, like most of the guys, were absolutely against violence towards woman. To think that this prick was behind the violence of three of their own was unfathomable. He couldn't help but think about his wife and daughter, and prayed they were safe.

"Going after the women associated with this club is a way of weakening us." Bobby offered as he thought about Luanne and the guilt that he lived with over her death.

"It all makes sense. We looked at Caruso because of Luanne and Alex and we didn't even stop to think there was anything else behind it." Opie offered.

"Looking at it now, Caruso doesn't have the balls to do the things that happened to them." Bobby said.

"Zobelle hired Caruso to attack Alex and kill Luanne. Luanne's death made Otto vulnerable on the inside and raping Alex made all of us see red. Add in Gemma's attack and it all makes sense now." Jax said before looking over at Happy. "She alright?"

"She watched the DVD; it's some harsh shit man. She completely shut down, that's why I wanted the doc to come by."

"She watched her own rape?" Juice asked, horrified and Happy nodded his head.

"This is it. We get in touch with Jimmy, get some hardware and we kill all of these motherfuckers. I know that we have to be smart about this but the longer we wait, the more we run the risk of these assholes hurting another woman we care about." Clay said, taking leadership. "Chibs, are you going to be okay with this brother?"

Chibs stalled as everyone turned to look at him, knowing the history with him and Jimmy. "Can you get in touch with Belfast? Have someone look over Kerrianne?"

"Of course brother." Clay said. "I'll call McGee right now." When Chibs nodded, Clay banged the gavel and everyone started to get up.

"You got a minute?" Tig asked Happy and the two men stayed in the room while the others filed out.

"What's up?"

"She got under your skin, didn't she?" Tig asked knowingly.

"I want to keep her safe." Happy gave as an explanation but Tig's look made him lean back in the chair. "Don't know what's going on between us Tig but I do know that I will protect her with my life." Tig nodded his head.

"I know you will killah. I wouldn't trust anyone else but you."

"So you're cool with all this?"

"As long as I get to slice those motherfuckers myself."

* * *

Happy and Jax stood in the doorway of Alex's dorm until Tara noticed them. She had been sitting next to Alex for hours, not speaking just sitting with her. She finally got Alex to take an anxiety pill and she fell asleep but Tara still didn't leave her side. Tara moved off of the bed and closed the door behind her.

"You got her to go to sleep?" Jax asked.

"I drugged her. Jax, she saw her own rape." Jax nodded his head.

"Yeah, I know. We watched it." Jax shook his head, knowing that he would never be able to erase those memories from his head.

"You watched it? Jesus Christ."

"We had to know if there was anything on the tape we could use." Jax offered as an explanation. "Trust me, none of us fucking wanted to see that shit."

"So what happens now?"

"We go on lockdown." Jax announced. "Come on, let me take you home." The couple said goodbye to Happy and he walked inside Alex's room. He looked down at her small frame curled up in a ball, the tears still staining her face.

Happy collapsed onto the chair and stretched his legs out. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched Alex until his eyes shut on their own.


	19. Chapter 19

Three days later, Alex was sitting on the edge of her bed braiding her long dark hair to the side as she listened to the various noises coming from outside of her room. The day had finally come: lockdown day. Jason and Georgie was still MIA but Tig told her that they were finally in a position to deal with Weston and Zobelle. Clay promised her that it didn't mean they were abandoning their plot to go after Jason and Georgie. Jax told her that they would die once they were found. Alex wished everyone would just shut the hell up.

She hadn't spoken in three days unless absolutely spoken to. Tara had dropped off a script of Xanax the other day and Alex was popping them like Flintstone vitamins. It was the only thing that allowed her to sleep. Happy had spent every night sleeping in the chair in her room. It seemed like he knew that touching her wasn't a possibility right now, but his mere presence was comforting in some way.

She jumped when there was a knock on the door and Happy walked in. "Nice shirt." He remarked as he looked at her. Alex was wearing one of Happy's long sleeve SAMCRO shirts, a pair of ripped jeans and a pair of black boots. She really didn't want to go downstairs and try to play nice but she knew that the guys were doing this for her as well as Gemma and Luanne and it was the least she could do.

Alex sighed as she stood up to place the brush on the dresser and grabbed her knife, placing it in her boot. She leaned her hands on the dresser, dropped her head and took a deep breath.

"If you don't go down there, everyone will understand." Happy said knowing that being around people was probably the last thing she wanted to do.

"I have to." Alex said quietly, her voice was nothing more than a raspy whisper the past few days. She didn't even want to attempt to talk louder. She walked towards the door but stopped before walking out. She looked over at Happy and walked a little closer to him.

"Be careful out there."

"I'll do my best." Happy went to reach out and touch her but stopped midway, unsure of her reaction. She offered him a small smile and walked out the room.

She could hear the music blaring and people were starting to pile in. It was a mixture of members, families, hang-ons and croweaters. People were bringing in food, booze and things to occupy the children. There were guns being loaded and the bar was getting stocked.

Alex looked around for Tig or Gemma, the two besides Happy that she would be comfortable with, but she didn't see either one. She offered a wave to Lyla as she walked towards the bar and sat down.

"Can I get you anything doll?" One of the woman asked her making Alex jump.

"Coffee please, heavy on cream and sugar." Alex kept her guard up as her eyes darted around the room. She nodded her thanks when the mug was placed in front of her face. She looked over as Tara, Gemma and Jax made their way inside. She saw Jax signal over to Tig who just walked in and the music was cut off as everyone grew quiet.

Alex stood up and made her way over to Tig who placed a protective arm around her shoulder and she leaned in closer as she listened to Clay deliver one of his infamous speeches. When he said that people were already injured on his watch, Tig held her a little tighter and Alex saw Jax place an arm around Gemma's waist.

"I love you all." Clay ended his speech and everyone started to clap and nod their heads. Alex closed her eyes to stop the tears from forming. She accepted a kiss on the forehead from Tig and she moved her way through the crowd until she was outside. She took a sip of coffee while pulling her smokes from her back pocket.

"You can't keep closing yourself off baby." Alex turned her head as Gemma approached with a look of concern on her face. Alex rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. "I'm serious. This isn't healthy."

"Please shut up." Alex begged Gemma. She loved the older woman like a mother but she was not in the mood for a lecture. She was allowed to be closed off, to be disconnected to everything and everyone considering the circumstances. If people didn't like it, that wasn't Alex's problem.

"I know how you feel."

"No you don't." Alex said as she looked at Gemma in the eye. "You were raped and I'm not for a second trying to take away from your pain but the guys are getting ready to go and kill Zobelle and Weston. Your chapter will finally be closed and you can find a way to move on. I don't have the luxury Gemma and even when Georgie and Jason get what is coming to them, how the hell do I close my eyes and not watch my rape play out over and over again? I watched it Gemma like it was a goddamn movie. All of those things that I could block out because I was unconscious and didn't remember are no longer an option."

Alex threw her cigarette down on the concrete and walked away, ignoring Gemma's pleas to come back. She walked past everyone not even daring to stop until she reached her room and slammed her door. She felt her breath start to become shallow as everything started replaying over and over in her mind. Luanne's death, the fire, the rape, the video. Alex smacked herself a few times in the forehead to try and stop the thoughts but they just kept coming.

Alex let out a frustrated scream as she felt herself losing her mind. She grabbed everything that was on her dresser and started throwing them all over the place. The tears came down furiously as she picked up the mirror and tossed it across the room, letting the pieces shatter all over the floor. Everything that was able to be turned upside down was by the time Alex was done.

She collapsed under the weight of her own mental breakdown and sat down in the middle of the floor, not even paying attention to the glass that was piercing her skin. She curled herself in a ball and ignored the banging on the door as she prayed for the pain to somehow go away.


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: First I would like to apologize for my lack of updates. Real life has been a bitch and a half lately and SOA has been very stressful this season which has sort of slowed down the muse. Also to add insult to injury, I've had to take a mandatory class and it's been kicking my ass. In any event, here is the next chapter. I hope to have Gypsy Soul updated soon.**_

* * *

_2 weeks later_

Bobby walked into the main room with a plate of muffins in his hand and a somber expression on his face. He shook his head as he placed the muffins on the bar top and sighed.

"Still no change." The men all glanced at one another, none of them knowing exactly what to do anymore. Things had gone to shit in record time over the course of the last two weeks. Cameron Hayes had kidnapped Abel, Gemma was on the run for a murder she didn't commit and Alex had practically become comatose.

Ever since her breakdown in her room, she had been unable to break free from her own self-destruction. Happy had found her sitting on the floor, cuts over her arms and legs from the glass she had thrown around the room, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. 2 weeks later and nothing had changed. Alex was either sleeping due to self-medicating or she would stare at nothing, refusing to acknowledge anyone, no matter how desperately they tried to gain a reaction from her.

Tig was conflicted when Clay had sent him to be with Gemma after Half-Sack was killed in Jax's kitchen. He loved both Gemma and Alex fiercely and he didn't completely feel comfortable leaving Alex but he knew that there was no one else Clay trusted enough to take care of Gemma and handle her antics other than him. He had made the remaining boys promise that they would keep up updated on Alex but so far there had been no change.

Jax was clutching his cell phone tightly as he prayed that it would ring with information on his son. He had mourned Able as if the child had been dead before Clay was finally able to break him out of his trance at Half-Sack's funeral. Now his sadness was replaced with unmistakable rage. He was a man on a mission to find his son and nothing and no one was going to stand in his way.

The boys looked up as the clubhouse doors opened and Tara walked in. When she glanced Jax's way, the blonde made it a point to turn his head and Tara had to blink back the tears. She knew deep down that Jax was blaming her for Abel's disappearance, even if he never vocalized it. Despite her best efforts, she wasn't Gemma and that's who Jax had expected her to be in a situation like that. She knew that Gemma would have thrown herself in front of the knife or the gun in order to save Abel. Gemma would have died for Abel and Tara wasn't able to do the same. She knew that Jax was starting to look at her like she was weak, like she didn't belong with the club or with him but she was doing everything in her power to try and remain strong and wait it out.

"Hey Doc." Clay greeted and the rest of the boys nodded their hellos.

"Your mother called." Tara said loud enough that Jax had no choice but to glance her way. "She wants me to drive up to your grandfather's cabin, help her look into some assisted living places for him."

"That's not a bad idea." Clay answered. "Rose dying is bringing up some painful shit for Gemma. You should go see her, but under no circumstances are you to tell her what happened to Abel."

"You can't keep this from her forever." Tara tried to reason.

"We will make the decision when we tell my mother about my son." Jax growled out and Tara again felt the distance grow a bit more between the two. She cleared her throat and looked around the room before bringing up the other topic that forced her to show up.

"How is she?" Tara asked, referring to Alex.

"No change. Still living like a goddamn zombie." Bobby replied as he took a pull from his beer.

"It's been two weeks, maybe it's time you guys started thinking about other options."

"What do you mean?" Chibs asked. Tara sighed deeply before speaking.

"Saint Thomas has a great psychiatric wing…." Before she could even finish her sentence, the entire room erupted in chaos.

"No."

"No way in hell."

"We are not having her committed, she's not fucking crazy." Opie said.

"No she's not crazy, she's traumatized." Tara said. "She's has been through a lot of shit in a short period of time and she is in the midst of a mental breakdown. Saint Thomas could help her."

"Alex is family and we take care of our own." Jax said. "We are not committing her to some fucking psych ward. You're a surgeon Tara, not a psychiatrist, stop acting like one." Tara again took a shaky breath as she tried to remind herself that this wasn't her Jax right now.

"She needs help Jax and letting her sit up in that damn room, not eating or taking care of herself is not helping her. Psychiatrist or not, I took an oath. I don't need your permission to have her admitted into the hospital."

"You don't even fucking like Alex." Opie said placing his hand on Jax's shoulder before his brother said something that he couldn't take back. "Happy has been with her every night. Hap, do you think…" Opie turned towards the side of the bar where Happy was just standing a moment ago to see the spot empty. "Where the hell did he go?"

* * *

Happy had been sitting back and listening to Tara until he couldn't take it anymore. While Tara and Jax were arguing back and forth, he took the opportunity to leave the main room and head up to Alex's bedroom. He pushed open the door with force and slammed it shut behind him. Alex was lying on her side not even paying attention to him. Happy stood next to the bed with his hands on his hips as he looked down at the tiny woman. He couldn't run the risk of Tara having Alex placed in some mental facility and with the guys unsure of Abel's whereabouts, there was a chance that the doctor could pull it off without any of them knowing.

Happy ran a hand over his bald head as he stalked towards the bathroom and turned on the light. He pushed the shower curtain back as he tested the water before turning the knob and letting the shower run. He peeled off his cut, shirt, and jeans leaving him standing in nothing more than a pair of boxers.

Happy walked back in the bedroom and threw the covers back leaving Alex exposed to him wearing nothing more than the long sleeved shirt that she had on two weeks prior. Happy reached down and carried Alex bridal style into the bathroom, kicking the door shut with his foot.

He gently put her down keeping a steady grip on her in case her legs collapsed after not being used in so long. He pushed her towards the door as he gripped her hips and leaned down so Alex had no choice but to look at him.

"Snap the fuck out of it. You are alive, do you hear me? You are alive and you will be fine but this shit has gone on long enough. The doc wants to have you committed; do you know what will happen? DO YOU? They will pump you with fucking drugs and you will really lose your mind. I promise you, I will kill the motherfuckers who did this to you but you have to get it the fuck together Alex." Happy reached down and pulled the tee shirt from her body, leaving her standing there in nothing more than a pair of underwear. He ripped the lacy garment from her body and she winced slightly making it the first sign of life in fourteen days.

Happy picked her up again and pulled the shower curtain back with one hand as he placed both of them under the water. It was ice cold and it made it Alex let out a primal scream as the water attacked all of her senses. She put her head down as the water ran down her body but Happy continued to keep a grip on her.

"You feel that don't you? That means that you are fucking alive, now start acting like it." Happy scolded her as he felt her start to shake in his arms.

"God what is wrong with me?" Alex wailed in between her chattering teeth.

"Nothing. You are fine. You will be fine." Happy said to her and he released a breath he didn't even know he was holding when she leaned forward into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his mid-section. The pair stood there under the water as Happy thanked whatever little bit of God he still believed in that he was able to start to bring Alex back.


	21. Chapter 21

Alex sat cross legged on the bed as she tried to comb out the tangles to her waist length hair. After the cold shower, something in her awakened and while she was nowhere near back to her old self; she was ready to fight to get there. Happy had wrapped her in a towel and told her that he would let everyone know that she was going to be just fine before disappearing out of the room, giving her some privacy to get dressed. She was braiding her hair when the door swung open and Jax stood in front of her, looking the way she felt.

"Hap told me that you were better."

"Yeah well hearing that someone wanted to have me committed has a way of doing that." Alex said without any malice in her voice. "I've been trying to get along with your girlfriend but that wasn't her call to make."

"She needs to feel important, especially with everything going on." Alex furrowed her eyebrows. How out of it was she?

"What are you talking about?" Jax sighed as he grabbed the chair in the corner and placed it next to the bed before sitting down. Alex listened quietly as Jax caught her up on all events that occurred the past few weeks. From killing Weston to Gemma up at her father's cabin, there was not one thing that Jax left out.

"Jesus Christ." Alex whispered when Jax was done talking. "So you have no clue where Abel is?"

"I'm hoping Canada but I swear Alex, something about this whole thing just feels fucking off." Alex gave Jax a sympathetic look.

"I'm so sorry Jackson. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you, for all of you."

"Not your fault darling. Tara is heading up to the cabin to help out Gemma."

"Everything alright with you two?" Jax smirked at Alex.

"Shouldn't you be dealing with your own shit?"

"Dealing with yours has always been easier." Alex replied with a bit of a smirk on her face. "Come on cowboy, give me a distraction." When Jax raised an eyebrow, Alex laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. "I didn't mean it that way jackass."

"She doesn't belong here, doesn't belong in this life."

"You blame her?"

"Kinda hard not to. She puts on this big front, is always questioning every decision I make, whether or not I'm thinking about Abel when I go on club business. She claims to love him like he was hers but she didn't do shit to stop the fucker from taking him. She said she froze. What the fuck kind of explanation is that?"

"An honest one." Alex sighed deeply at the look of confliction on Jax's face. "Look sweetheart, we can never say how we would or would not handle a situation until it is presented to us. Tara has never belonged in this life, with this club but it didn't stop you two from being together before."

"She watched my son get kidnapped and didn't do anything."

"So what happens now? You are going to just push her away, become a complete and total dick until she finally leaves you? All that's going to do is make you miserable. You love her Jax."

"Yeah but I love my son more." Jax's cell phone started to ring and he offered Alex an apologetic look before opening the small device and walking out the door, leaving it open. Alex sighed as she placed her boot covered feet on the floor and rolled her neck until it cracked.

"You done eavesdropping yet?" Alex asked loudly. A few seconds later she saw a mass of brown hair as Tara walked into the room with tears streaming down her face.

"He hates me."

"This ain't about you. It's about his son. Now is not the time to start being selfish and thinking only of yourself Tara." Alex scolded as gently as she could.

"I did everything I could."

"No you didn't. Half-Sack did everything he could." Alex put her hand before Tara started to protest. "I'm not judging, just stating facts. The kid lost his life trying to protect you and Abel. That's giving it their all. They boys…they will die for the club and their families and they expect the same from everyone that's associated with them. Jax is hurt because he's son is missing and you are the easiest target. I'm not saying I agree with him, but I do understand his pain."

"So what do I do now?" Tara asked as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Go see Gemma, help her out as much as you can. You being here, it's not going to do him any good. He's just going to continue to resent you and that's going to end up making shit worse in the end. You gotta give him so room to process all this shit, Tara. It's the only way if you want to keep your relationship." Tara nodded her head as she stood up.

"Thanks Alex." Alex waited until the doctor was almost at the door before she called her name and Tara turned around.

"You tell Gemma, Jax will never forgive you. Keep that in mind when you're up at the cabin."

* * *

A while later, Alex finally emerged from the comfort of her room to face the men that had been worried sick about her. She allowed the boys to hug her and she apologized to everyone for her breakdown, although none of the boys wanted to hear her saying sorry over something that obviously wasn't her fault.

"So what's the plan?"

"Plan?" Clay asked.

"Yeah the plan to get Abel back."

"We hired a PI to try and get an honest lead and we will just go from there. How are you doing sweetheart?"

"Better, thanks to Happy."

"Well that's good." Clay said as he took in the woman's appearance. "So what's your plan?" Alex sighed as she thought for a moment.

"I guess I should get started on trying to prove my innocence in the fire so I can rebuild. It will keep me busy and my mind off of all the shit that has happened."

"Do you think that's smart?"

"Probably not but then again, I've never been known to make the smartest decisions."

"Remember Chucky?" Alex nodded as she wiggled her index finger. "That's the one. He was in the office at Caracara during the fire. We had him go down to the police station and make a statement. Hopefully it will help with the insurance shit."

"Thanks Clay. I'll call and find out." Alex looked over at Jax who was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the phone in his hand. "Hey, take care of him."

"Always." Clay responded and Alex hopped off the bar stool and went out for some fresh air.

"You look better." Alex turned her head to see Happy smoking a cigarette, a bottle of beer cradled in his hand.

"Well a cold shower will do that to you."

"I still plan on keeping my promise to you about killing those fuckers." Alex smiled at the raspy, protective voice.

"I know you do but finding Abel is the most important thing right now and that's what all of you should be focused on." Alex plopped down next to Happy and sighed as he pulled on her braid gently. "I feel bad that I missed Kip's funeral. I feel bad that Gemma is by herself, being accused of a murder she didn't commit, dealing with the ghost of her mother, I know that shit is hurting her to the core."

"Tig's with her." Alex snorted as she rolled her eyes.

"That doesn't make me feel better. Gemma and I have always had a way of getting TIg in more trouble than he could get into himself."

"Well shit, that speaks volumes." Alex swatted Happy's knee at his sarcastic tone.

"A part of me wants to go up the cabin, check on her myself…."

"But?"

"But if Tara, Gemma and I are all in one place, she was start to ask questions about who's watching Abel and I made a promise many years ago that the only person I would never lie to is Gemma. If I go up there, I'll have to tell her and I don't want to do that."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay here, keep the garage going, start the remodel of Caracara, make sure that everything at home will be taking care of for you guys when everything dies down." Alex leaned her head down to rest on Happy's shoulder and she was surprised when he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Thank you for everything Happy." Happy just squeezed her waist as a response and the pair enjoyed the silence before all hell broke loose again.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: This is just a filler chapter. This latest season is really changing the course of how my stories are going to play out and it's taking me some time to figure out how things are going to end._

* * *

Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital was nerve racking for everyone. Especially when they were all waiting on word about Gemma who had collapsed in the parking lot of TM Auto after finding out that Abel was now in Belfast. Considering she didn't even know that Abel was missing made things ten times worse. Alex glanced up from her phone where she was nervously playing Sudoku to see Jax and Clay huddled together in the corner, whispering to one another with identical looks of guilt on their faces.

Alex turned her head when she felt someone take the seat next to her and she offered Tig a small but sincere smile.

"She's going to kick all of our asses, you know that right?" Alex said to Tig who just groaned thinking about the wrath of Gemma. "We should have told her the truth."

"Yeah, not much we can do about it now." Alex cut her eyes at Tig but didn't say anything. She watched as Tara walked in the room and explained that there had been complications due to Gemma's genetic flaw and that she was fine, although under observation. Alex groaned when Tara said that Gemma was currently handcuffed to the hospital bed and asking for Alex.

"Well at least she can't hit me." Alex remarked as she stood up and followed Tara down the long corridor towards Gemma's room. Alex pushed the door open slightly and tried to place a smile on her face but Gemma's glare let the young woman know she was not in the mood for anymore bullshit.

"This is on you too Doc." Gemma said as Tara tried to leave the room. Tara turned around and took a seat in the chair by the wall while Alex gripped the handle at the bottom of Gemma's bed.

"What happened? The truth, all of it." Alex shrugged her shoulders as she pointed towards Tara.

"You would have to ask them. I was too busy trying to shut my brain off."

"What?" Gemma asked confused. Alex took a deep breath as she tried to explain her breakdown as much as she could. She told Gemma that she hadn't been present for Half-Sack's death or Abel's kidnapping. By the time she had snapped out of it, it had been too late to do anything.

"You could have brought your ass up to the cabin and told me Alexandria." Alex winced at the use of her real name.

"It wasn't my place Gemma and you know it. I'm sorry about Abel but I've been knee deep in my own mental shit to take on anything else." Alex sighed deeply before she completely snapped out.

"They say Abel is in Vancouver." Tara offered in hopes to give Gemma a little bit of peace but Gemma just scoffed at the doctor.

"Abel ain't in Vancouver. He's in Belfast."

"Ireland?" Tara asked as Alex rubbed her forehead. She remembered some late night drunken conversations between her and Gemma and Belfast was not going to be a good idea.

"Do you want me to get Jax and Clay?" Alex asked even though she was already heading towards the door. She knew Belfast was going to bad and she really didn't want to be around when that particular sky started to fall. She casually waved her goodbye as she ran down the hall towards the two men who loved Gemma the most.

"She wants to see you." Alex said but placed a hand on Clay's arm, stopping him from following Jax. She nodded towards Jax who looked confused but continued to walk.

"Heads up, this shit is going to get a lot worse before it gets better." She locked eyes with Clay and once he nodded, she allowed him to go before sighing and leaning her head back on the wall.

"You alright?" A raspy voice broke through her thoughts and she opened her eyes to look over at Happy.

"I'm starting to think that putting me in a loony bin might not be the worst idea ever."

* * *

A few days later she was walking in the lobby of the Charming PD to bail Tig out of jail. Most of the crew, including Gemma were halfway to Belfast by now and Alex prayed that Abel would be home safe and sound very soon. She offered Unser a small smile as she filled out the proper paperwork.

"I never got a chance to give my condolences for what happened to Hale." Alex said as she put the pen down and pushed her hair back.

"He was a good kid; didn't deserve to go out like that." Alex snorted slightly.

"It's the Charming way: come in crying, go out bloody." Alex thought back to all the blood that had been shed over the years and felt a shiver run down her spine. She pinched herself lightly to avoid going to the dark place and rolled her eyes when Tig came into view.

"Hiya Princess." Tig smiled at Alex who crossed her arms over her chest.

"They're suspending your license." Alex said and smirked when TIg's smile quickly disappeared.

"What the fuck? You can't suspend my license."

"Sorry son, it's the law." Unser shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

"This is bullshit." Alex put her arm around Tig's waist.

"Come on Tiggy. I'll give you a lift." She waited until they were outside and Tig lit up a cigarette before she dropped another bomb on him. "Kozik is already planning the re-vote."

"God damn it."

They pulled into the garage and Tig practically ripped the car door off in order to get a drink. Alex sighed as she got out the car and grabbed her purse. She noticed Lyla sitting in one of the chairs and she offered the blonde a tentative smile.

"Hey girlie. What's up?"

"I was looking for the doc but she's not here." Alex took a seat next to Lyla.

"Everything alright?" She watched as Lyla played with the rings on her fingers for a few minutes before she finally spoke up.

"I'm pregnant." Alex sucked in a breath and gave Lyla a sympathetic glance.

"Opie?"

"Yeah." Lyla looked around the lot silently giving Alex the answer before she even asked the question.

"You need a quiet place that takes cash huh?"

"Yup."

"You don't have to wait around Lyla. I'll talk to Tara when she swings by."

"You don't mind?"

"Nah. Besides, I'm going to be here until I get word on the guys. Go look after the kids." Lyla stood up and smiled.

"Thanks Alex." Alex waved her goodbyes and got comfortable in the chair. She had just started to allow herself to relax when she heard a crash come from inside the clubhouse. Alex quickly stood up and ran into the main room just in time to see Kozik vs. Tig round 72 well underway. She looked over at Piney who had an amused expression on his face.

"Yup…should have went to the crazy home."


End file.
